Confused by ENTJ guy


#1

I am an INTJ female and the nice guy who came out of nowhere is ENTJ. I think that from the 3rd discussion he told me he wants to schedule our waking hour and our bed time, things that I was ok with because I needed a schedule since I overworked myself as usual. We managed to go to sleep at the same time but I sleep more than him during the night. He likes to take naps. Then we confessed our feelings but the thing is, we do not live in the same place and for us to live in the same place that means we have to wait 7 years because we do our studies in different countries. Anyways, this doesn’t bother me that much since I like to stay alone quite a lot but he insists on speaking when we wake up and when we go to bed and I just don’t care about these things so we talk only at night. I got over some things because I thought this is what people in normal relationships do and I categorized them as cute like having the same squishy (this sounds like we are in high school but we are not, I am starting my 2nd degree next year and he is finishing his first :joy: ). We sometimes fight because of silly things but today’s discussion just got me thinking. Out of nowhere he told me that maybe I should study computer science. In my mind I was like “Are you trying to control me? Change me?”. I already know I want to become a doctor, I think I drove him nuts with my passion towards medical field and with my explanations about physiology. I have no idea why he actually said that. He is a computer engineer. My first reaction was that of someone trying to control me but right now I thought about that he was trying to always be with me, interact with me etc. He tried to give me arguments about why I would be good at this but he said he won’t push me. After saying that he still kept his idea and told me that he will explain everything. :no_mouth: The other scenario I thought about was that maybe he wanted to share with me things about his field but didn’t know how to do that. I remember well the day he tried to tell me that he is sad so it might be this type of attempt when he doesn’t know how to do it.
What do you think about this guys? Thank you in advance!


#2

The Intj and Entj romance usually falls apart with the quality time barrier. Entjs see life as an adventure to be lived with someone, but Intjs will always need more time alone to process things. Intjs move slower in everything and this can cause a decisive Entj to think you aren’t committed or interested at the same level. I believe that’s what is happening when he is trying to schedule time. He is trying to meet his needs while respecting yours.
He is just speaking his mind about your abilities to do well with computer science. It’s hard for an Entj not to be honest. It is typical of us though to follow with a lot of caveats. He said “I won’t push you” other times it’s “This is just my humble opinion” or “take it with a grain of salt.” I don’t think he meant any harm. He was just having open communication. Entjs thrive in a relationship with someone who IS NOT easily molded by suggestions. We need someone with a great deal of personal strength that can withstand our thoughts. He probably would have dropped it if you followed the convo with why being a doctor is important to you. He is absolutely not trying to control you. The Entj’
s nature is often mistaken for controlling when in reality they are just trying to help the best they know how.


#3

Thanks for the reply! He became my boyfriend and we broke up eventually because he can’t cope with the distance. He needs me physically with him. I am quite disappointed. :confused:


#4

I’m sorry. :frowning:️ I guess there is no way to bridge that gap? Being present and available is important to Entjs, because we move quickly with our thoughts and thus emotions. Entjs can be quite romantic in that sense if they are male, because if they are interested you will know and they will try to sweep you off your feet. But if there is resistance(such as bridging that physical divide) then they might see it as unequal interest.


#5

I took some time off from him. I need to sort things out. I think we both made sacrifices but he just gave up. I have to try and not take this personally. For now we can’t be at the same place since we have our careers and all these stuff. He said “He moved on” but tbh I don’t know what person who has moved on texts to his ex gf’s friend telling her that he misses his ex and when will she speak to him again. I wish he could just see things from my perspective and that “the little things” can be offered by anyone, but not the intelectual part we had and all the chemistry and intense emotions. Oh well… maybe one day we will be in the same place. Thanx for replying again. I am a bit confused during this period, I don’t actually know how to move on from this situation…