Dating a depressed ENTJ - advice needed


How do you help ENTJ in (suspected) depression? I had a beginning of a very special and deep relationship with him but since unexpected passing of his parent 6 months ago he’s been distant and not coping well at all (crazy busy work, long commute and the other parent in depression and with life limiting disease are not easy on him too). I understand that this is his way of responding to the situation and although he assures me he needs me to stay around as he does not want to lose me I feel kind of useless not being able to help at all and sometimes not seeing him and not speaking to him for 2 weeks at the time when he hits a rough patch is really hard for me. He wants to deal with everything himself because he wants to be strong for everyone (for the remaining parent and sibling) so me telling him he needs to look after himself does not work as he places himself as a last priority. His opinion of himself is extremely low at the moment and he focuses on what he can’t do rather than can do when we talk. I am really worried about him. Any advice would be appreciated. (INTJ)


ENTJ’s need to have an objective approach to a problem for them to find solutions, even with emotions. But usually the ENTJ’s approach to processing emotions is to focus externally and do things or stay occupied all the time and not deal with them until it hits them like a ton of bricks and they’re all of a sudden sad and depressed. His anima is trying to get his attention to have him sit down and figure out his emotions but it could be ‘possessing’ if he isn’t listening. He needs to be introspective and really ‘talk’ with his emotions so to speak since it seems he is wallowing in them and not trying to figure out a solution to giving them a voice in his life. I’ve experienced this myself and not until I looked my emotions in the face and talked with them did I regain my strength and vigor and solve my emotional problems. It’s not going to be easy but he has to do it if he ever wants to be his true self again.

Your role could be to help educate him about this process he’s going through, and talk with him about it. Remember, he’s still an ENTJ and their thirst for figuring out problems and talking is still very much alive .Come at it from a logical approach and not emotional since that could just turn him away from addressing the problem. Here’s a video on anima possession.

Also, this book is a must read for all men on rediscovering their mature masculinity and could help him learn and realize what he’s going through and in dealing with his emotions. … 0062506064


Establish first his safety that he won’t ever succumb to the same demise and make sure he is eating okay. Consider the financial ramifications and other monetary responsibilities, things like where to dispose of the body and who is paying the utilities bill. He needs to talk with the other family members. Lastly he needs to recall what this person wanted most for him in life as these feelings will fuel that purpose.