Desolations...


#1

Ever get the feeling like you could kill space and time… Like say when you want to kill everyone, well assuming everyone is the space you breath in… I always feel as though I want to just dissolve… Completely separate my origins from space itself… Eliminate all outside interference, and erase all records of existence… Become nonsense… This way I would have no prior trace of existing… So I would be pure of all outside interference… Never sharing wills or organs or anything… Complete separation from time itself… So I would never deal with this madness… So I could be free from everything that binds me… Everything… So I can be free from everything… So I can be renewed as nothing… I never wanted wants… I only needed… I only wanted to be free from all constraints… Never having to be burdened by selections… Always being as should be… I never want to be this way again… So I suppose well may as well erase all ties… I wouldn’t care about the results as long as I could remove all constraints to this world… Its really easy… All I wanted was the removal of all attachments… Never having to constrain myself with purpose… Never really caring what might happen… Never feeling tension… So I could be free of all limitations… So I could do whatever I wanted… So I could be whatever I wanted… Instead of all constraints and limitations I could be free to do whatever I desired within my own self… Never having to endure anything else… Freedom from all desires… Never needing anything… It makes me sad to see my self like this… I always wanted a better world… Some place for me only… Only me in a world that is only me… Without any pressure… A world of anything that is not of me… Complete freedom for only my own sake… Nobody to burden me at all… Freedom to do what I wanted… Never having to be limited or restricted… Never being restricted… No limitations… No means… Only the ends of my desires… So I pray… I only wanted to have my own life… Free to do whatever I pleased… No restrictions… So I do not have to worry about anything… So I do not have to concern me with anything… So I do not need to be bothered with anything… I am so worried… I am worried over everything… Worried about me… People faking it with no concern while I worry… I worry too much about things… I worry too much… I worry way too much… I am always concerned over the future… Always concerned about the outcomes… I cannot stand how absurd things are… I cannot understand why things are so weird… I only like what I like… I am not bothered by anyone else… Its so troubling… Why is it so troubling… So much annoyance… I only wanted a normal life for my self… I only wanted a normal life for my self… I wanted to be normal… I just wanted to be normal… Normal life of love and glory… Whatever… Normal reactions… Normal… Just plain normal understanding and relations… More of a better future for me… I wanted to be normal beyond belief… Just a plain and average existence… Nothing too adjusted… Just a simple understanding of who I am and where I stand… Just normality… Normality… Just plain normality… I just wanted a normal life of life… Normal sex… Normal understanding… Just normal… Normal playing… Never hugging… Normal touching… Normal understanding… Just plain normal… Normal reactions… Normal people… Normal problems… Normal understanding… Normal existence of normal love… Normal understanding… Normal feelings… Normal relations… Normal excitement… Just plain normal understanding and committed minds… A normal mind of satisfaction… Normal mind of health… Norm… Normal mind of understanding… Normal healthy minds… Normal relations… Normal understanding… Nothing eccentric… Just plain understanding… No mindless nonsense… Plain normal healthy minds… So I can be free to do what I need to do… What I plan to do… What I understand to do… A normal healthy mind for normality… Easy life of ease… Enjoyment… Courage and love of affections… Courage of mind and matter of witness… Honor of all glory… External problems… I just want to end all of them… Honor of all glory and stuff like that… Weird stuff… What is that… I just wanted a normal healthy mind… Just a normal understanding of thought… Normal courage of honor… I do not even understand the wrongness of all this… Why is it wrong when I am right… Well another meaningless questioning… Right… So all I want is a normal life of satisfaction… So I do not get idiots going on about experts, when there is no expert that can help me… Just a bunch of idiots that do not know anything at all… Idiots that will not help me… Because they are stupid… Very stupid people that do not help others… So what of these idiots that refuse to help… They deserve punishment… They need to be punished for not helping me… All of them need to be punished for not helping me… They are very bad people… Very evil naughty people… They need to be spanked… So much for them… I killed them off… Yep I just ended them… They do not play nice… They are very naughty… Very mean and bad people of fortune… Very bad people of naughty… Very evil mad individuals… Never caring… Never understanding… Just plain evil… Just plain naughty of all minds and matters… Caring evil… Such cannot be understanding and forgiven… So much for them… So they refuse to help me, because I know they are bad… Very bad people that should be not there…