ENTJ + ENTP Lack of emotion...


#1

Hey!
I’m an ENTJ female and my boyfriend is an ENTP.

We have a great relationship and get along in ways that are really big and important. However, there are some downsides… wondering if anyone else here has experienced this and overcome it.

Since we are both thinkers and not feelers, there is a huge lack of emotion and romance. I’m a very non-emotional person…don’t really ever feel emotion about things. He’s more emotional than I am, but neither of us are romantic. This is fine, but we seriously have a lack of romance in our relationship. It’s starting to bother me more and more as we move towards marriage, and I don’t want there to be a lack of passion in our relationship.

Also, we have some problems when it comes to control. Both of us want to be in control of the relationship and when it comes to disagreeing about stuff, neither of us want to be wrong. Since we agree very well on the most important things, that’s okay. However, disagreeing on the little things is starting to add up and cause some trouble.

Have any of you been in a relationship with an ENTP, had the same problems, and/or overcome them?


#2

In my experience, the ENFJ + ENTP match seems more ideal. ENTJ + ENTP will only cause conflict, and the ENTJ might become annoyed at the messy, disorganised ENTP. I personally have many friends who are ENTP. However, I would never want to date them :laughing:

Varies for individuals however. Personality type is only a guideline. There are more important things to consider: lifestyle, values, goals, sexual compatibility, emotional support etc.


#3

I keep thinking about this post…It’s been running through my mind ever since I started seeing this ENTP guy…And after what I read about the male ENTP/ female ENTJ match (especially when the man is older…is he older than you btw?) …PASSION in key…Without Romance, and ENTJ/ENTP match is not going to look good. If there isn’t a strong sexual/romantic/passionate/affectionate element it will just be a big bummer and a disappointment…Kind of okay, but dead and empty, without a spark or any excitement or fire, just boring and lame. My ENTP guy has had many girlfriends dump him specifically for “lack of passion.” His most current ex dumped him because of that, even though they never fought and got along really well, their chemistry wasn’t right and there was no passion. He said it would have been a perfect relationship if he had felt that way about her, but he said he never really felt it - the attraction and intensity of passion etc… (it lasted five years) BUT! As an ENTJ female, I think there is an advantage to intriguing ENTP males. I’ve read accounts from ENTP men claiming that their relationships with younger ENTJ women were fascinating and that they found them intriguing,formidable, attractive, alluring etc… So they seem to be drawn to our type! I think you just need relax and be yourself! Spice it up! Introduce romance! Be mysterious and independent, assertive and flirtatious, fun and carefree, strong and interesting. Make him want you! Don’t let him get comfortable. Don’t let him forget why you fell in love! And lighten up! I think when fun is introduced in a relationship with an ENTP it can turn into passion. I don’t think they like being “oppressed” by seriousness, or it just doesn’t interest them as much if it doesn’t have an element of excitement…Add a lighter note and some freedom and I’m sure he’ll respond.


#4

Hi, new to the forum, as an ENTP, obviously came to ask about this matchup. (Such a cliche!) As a side note - or not exactly side, but - I date women, so that may complicate things a bit compared to what most posters are asking, and may provide some insight in other ways.

So I’m dating an ENTJ now. It’s new-ish, new enough to have enough spark or whatever. I certainly like her enough - she’s smart and sexy and endlessly interesting, we have great conversations and a lot of fun together. These are all good things. :smiley: (I don’t really care to think of having “roles” in a relationship between women. We’re both pretty confident, both feminine. I like that about screwing around with gender expectations in that regard, and so does she. That said, I asked her out first, I’m a few years older, and tend to be the one who pays - that goes with asking someone out, not gender, I think.)

To the question at hand - I’d probably also like a bit more emotion or romance in our relationship. But wow, is she careful about that. She is very, very good at not tipping her hand, or whatever. I don’t think she’s playing games, or anything - if I did, I certainly wouldn’t stick around - she’s just careful. Which, fine. I’m happy to let her set the pace about when she feels comfortable sharing something with me, and when she doesn’t. (I’m happy to let her set the pace generally.) I’m not one to pressure anyone about things like that.

But I could see how she might need to be asked, sometimes. Or want to be asked, but not be able to say it. And I could see how some ENTPs, guys (at the risk of stereotypical gender roles) or ones who are stronger Ts particularly, wouldn’t be great at taking that opportunity. They may have already kind of decided the ENTJ’s pretty careful control means it’s best not to ever broach the subject. Not true - I don’t think, anyway - but there’s definitely potentially some strong downside to forcing the issue, there, and they might have decided that letting the ENTJ be the one to broach the subject is the best way to go.

So how often have you raised this point with your ENTP? This may take a semi-serious conversation, and not when you’re fighting. One thing I lurve about the ENTJ - directness works. For both of us. It’s really pretty drama-free and awesome, in that regard.