ENTJ Female and INTj male. Compatible?


There is an ENTJ female that is clearly interested in me. I have been toying with the idea of pursuing it…

What is your ENTJ perspective of INTj males?

Feel free to be rough. I want you honest answers.

If you post something along the lines of “MBTI isn’t everything you need to know blah blah blah astrology blah blah blah” I am not even going to consider reading it.

I believe there are general mechanics that each personality type exhibits.



Direct, to the point, and seeking total honesty…just another thing I love about INTJs. I don’t see any downside here. I really enjoy the company of INTJs, so easy to be around and work with you guys on any type of project. I can relax and be myself without worrying about the Fe/Fi dynamic, which is a minefield for me. INTJs don’t drain me. On the contrary, they energize and brighten me considerably. A long satisfying chat with an INTJ can literally make my day. It’s that good, really it is. I know several INTJ males, but no females.

I agree that MBTI is an important consideration when choosing a partner. I get the impression you understand MBTI well, probably better than I do. I’ve been studying it about 18 months. But have you seen the Dave Super Powers videos?


INTJ’s live in their head, which is a problem. The majority I have known create conversations that didn’t happen; possible because they are poor communicators of emotions.

This is irritating. Direct and to the point is great, but not if it means nothing because you can’t defend it.

The major issue is that ENTJ’s are extroverted and the introverted part can get in the way when it comes to a serious discussion involving real life.

Check out the INTJ forum on relationship and dating; you’ll see a pattern that I have witnessed first hand:

  1. Divorce.
  2. Bisexuality? Bisexuality!
  3. How to communicate with other people
  4. I am manipulative, but I don’t know why…
  5. I can’t talk about my feelings
  6. Prenups.

Check out the ‘signifiant other of your dreams’ thread:

My favorite answer? ‘Someone who can exist without shoving their presence down my throat.’

Exactly. And wrong.


I just saw that your name is ‘essentially good’ - do you all use that line?

Expect severe directness with an ENTJ.


There’s no question that there are some snarky INTJs out there! :smiley: Dave Super Powers is an INTJ with an nice personality, and I’m sure he’s a well rounded one. My only concern with INTJs is that they are prone to do the the more extreme version of the introverted disappearing thing. I’m talking cold hard down time where they withdraw and you wonder if they are dead or alive for an extended period. I’m not kidding here. It hurt relationships. I feel annoyed when one makes a sudden reappearance after a long absence and in an off-handed way, expects me to pick up and carry on as if nothing happened.


INTJ and ENTJs are compatible - I am married to an INTJ. Most of the time it is great. The bad things are:

I think INTJs keep too many thoughts to themselves. Sometimes I have to dig for the truth and if it’s for information I need it’s really annoying. Although most of the time this is ok because it makes the INTJ like locked treasure.

If I live with the amount of social stimulus that is a nice level for my INTJ I feel opressed.


Well, I can say it will be a challenge for both. For the ENTJ…trying to get information/emotion/expression out of the INTJ and for the INTJ…trying not to feel overwhelmed by the ENTJ for being so straightforward and vocal about what they want/like/need.


ENTJs and INTJs are a near perfect coupling. Next to the ENTJ + ENTJ match.

The men with whom I’ve had that instanteous mind-body attraction were ALWAYS with INTJs.
Go for it.

I only would advise against ENFJs or ISFPs (shudder).


I get along with INTJ men i know mentally pretty well, but have never been physically attracted to any. ( maybe because they are much older than me). INTJ men are intellectual, calm, good in general. But for romantic relationship, i would find it a little bit… boring. introverted+ intuitive–> make the man so quiet, and not exciting.
facial features of INTJ men: enlonged nose, regtangular faceshape, thin…—> not handsome to me.
Have never met any INTJ men that i find physically attractive so far. And physical attractiveness is important in starting a romantic relationship to me.


I have dated 5 different confirmed INTJs and I don’t think entj and intj are compatible. I think that we ENTJs are a whole different species and that we are best paired with other entjs. I can’t tolerate introverts in relationships nor someone who is more emotional than me. That Fi as 3rd function to me is too much. I prefer Fi as 4th function :slight_smile: and someone who is out going because I find reserved people ughhh just boring.


I think it varies. I have dated an INTJ female before (and I’m and ENTJ male). We got along great and really enjoyed each other, but after a while she felt like my best friend and not a romantic partner.

That said, MBTI isn’t the most definitive way to assess compatibility. Supposedly Enneagrams Instincts is a better matching tool, at least based on the psychology I have been reading about - projectevolove.com/education … l-concepts. This site is actually a dating site, but I just read it for the psychology.


Since my last post, I’ve changed my mind about what matters in a relationship. The types with the most pleasant disposition are fellow Inferior Feelers: ISTP, ENTJ, ESTJ, INTP (Are there exceptions? Yes, once in awhile)

No matter how nicely it begins, in any kind of relationship with the more dominant feeling types, they end up perpetually finding something to fret about. It’s just no fun living with moody people.




I am married to an ENTJ and we make it work wonderfully! (I am a male INTJ)

Tons of stimulating conversation, working on things to make them better, and organization. Those are the strengths, and amazing to have inside of a marriage.

Some areas we have problems:
I do get caught up in my head… all the time, and it can be hard on her when I’m not able to immediately talk about it. I would encourage an understanding of this for both people. For her to understand this is what I do, it is really nice when she gives me space. For me to understand she needs me to talk about what I’m thinking, it has helped me not stay “under” so long. I literally say stuff like “Well, I’m still thinking this stuff through, but here’s kind of a rough draft of what I’m thinking about…”

Another problem area is social time. I need alone time, from time to time. That’s the introvert in me. She like, never needs alone time… it kills her to be alone. So, we literally plan for this. She has friends she hangs with, and I go for walks, tink in the garage, or just sit down by myself like a creep! But, seriously, it’s like finding a level in our relationship and it really helps.

None of the negatives outweigh our positives. We are madly in love… and hella strategic in our long term planning, money handling, and parenting. Just manage the tension areas and enjoy the benefits, because they are certainly worth it for us.


You both are most likely going to miss FE… Also the nature of NTJ is to control and have all the cables in his/her hands, which can be problematic in the long term, since if you are with person as intelligent as you who is also willing to control, then the only way to have the control is to do that without telling the other person. That leads us to what I believe is the main problem here:

I do not know about you, but my deepest desire is to be understood and accepted as I am. Do you think that you can bring to front the cold and very rational side of you knowing, that the other person could be much more intelligent than you and that even if you tell him what you really think, he will most likely not express his real thoughts?

If you believe in the theory, it is almost impossible for INTJ to show what he really “thinks” even if he wanted to. His decisions are based on introverted INTUITION, and knowing what introverted intuition is we also know that it really can’t be explained why you do something, when you do it based on introverted intuition. This kind of decision making would really make me go crazy, even if the decisions somehow were always right. As a boss that would be fantastic person, but if partner in a relationship would show that kind of decision making then I just don’t know… Maybe she would be bit too much for me really? I mean she never would explain how the hell she knows and what other stuff she knows. INTJs generally know a lot and do not care for explaining that much. Some of them also think that it is childish to ask too much, which would be the only way to ever understand them for a rational.

TL;DR: Many rationals think that they really want another rational, but I do not believe that people like that really thought it all out. Rationals think too much for two of us really trust each other completely or to gain enough from each other.