- I’m sorry if this is long -
ENTJ female here - I’ve been dating an ENTJ male for the last 8-9 months now. It is unlike any other relationship I’ve ever had. I’m so glad I found this forum and I’m hoping I get feedback navigating this relationship, especially if you’re an ENTJ female dating an ENTJ male (rare, I know).
We met via Okcupid, and for what it’s worth, we had a 97% values match. So not only are we the same personality but we have very similar beliefs/values/ways of doing things. This is overall amazing. The best part of our relationship for me is that he helps me to grow and makes me a better person. In our short relationship I’ve already over come fears that have held me back for years. This growth isn’t always easy but it’s very rewarding and I know I can thank him for pushing me and being supportive.
On his end, I know the most rewarding thing for him is how supportive I am in his career. He’s starting out as a videographer/producer and it’s a tough industry. He gets big clients (proud girlfriend over here)! But it’s sporadic. It’s tough to take an unconventional path, because everyone wants to tell you how to live your life and how to build your career. But I was in the same boat as him, it took me 3 years to successfully create my dream career, and I was uncompromising about it. I fully understand his journey so I know exactly what he needs to hear and how to support him. He also tells me he loves how independent I am.
Here’s where we struggle. We’re both dominant people. We both like to be right and we’re used to getting our way. I can be harsh and sassy, while he’s unable to empathize. I’m definitely the more emotional partner. I’m a strong ENJ… while my T leans toward F. I feel like we go to battle more than I did in other relationships. Although I actually enjoy the battle most of the times, sometimes it can be exhausting. Especially when I have to explain how I need him to empathize with my side. It’s not that he doesn’t want to empathize - but when I say “empathy” it’s like I’m speaking a language he can’t understand. I have to break my feelings down and give him a day to process what I said, which he does and he always, without fail, comes back and is able to understand me and apologizes for what he said/did.
He really likes to be right. He likes to rub it in when he’s right. He’ll say it’s one of the few times he gets to be right and he needs to enjoy it. This can be annoying. But sometimes it’s cute, because it’s true… I’m usually right haha . I’m also a year older than him, I have a master’s in economics (he has a masters too), and I’m ahead in my career. Most men are intimidated by me but this man is SO secure in himself, that this isn’t a problem for us (it’s is the first time in my lie I can say this). I know he will be successful, I have no doubts and it’s exciting to be with him from the beginning.
We also like to get our way… and I think we both have the tendency to be manipulative during arguments/discussions. This is definitely something we need to work on. It’s weird this doesn’t bother me more. I almost understand where he’s coming from. I don’t even notice when I’m being manipulative, it’s something I usually notice after I’ve done it. Like it’s a default state that is subconscious. It’s the same for him. I call him on it when I feel he’s trying to manipulate me to get me to do or act how he wants to make him happy. This is a tactic that clearly has worked on other people. We talk it out successfully - I’m an over-communicator and I seem to do a decent job explaining my feelings and even HIS feelings to him. But I don’t expect either of us to fully stop being manipulative, the goal is to be more conscious of it so that we can control it better. Writing this out makes me a little self-conscious. This part of our relationship is so cutthroat, and we are - we’re extremely ruthless people, in some ways. And I guess this is the part of our relationship where it comes out.
I love this man. He’s the first partner I can call my true equal. Our relationship isn’t perfect by any means. But we work so hard at it. I feel like we’ve been through a lot as a team and I’m proud of us. I hope that we can overcome the challenges that come our way in the future and that we keep fighting for each other.
What do you guys think of ENTJ+ENTJ relationships? Especially ENTJ females with ENTJ males?? What are your experiences?