ENTJ female dating ENTJ male


#1
  • I’m sorry if this is long -

ENTJ female here - I’ve been dating an ENTJ male for the last 8-9 months now. It is unlike any other relationship I’ve ever had. I’m so glad I found this forum and I’m hoping I get feedback navigating this relationship, especially if you’re an ENTJ female dating an ENTJ male (rare, I know).

We met via Okcupid, and for what it’s worth, we had a 97% values match. So not only are we the same personality but we have very similar beliefs/values/ways of doing things. This is overall amazing. The best part of our relationship for me is that he helps me to grow and makes me a better person. In our short relationship I’ve already over come fears that have held me back for years. This growth isn’t always easy but it’s very rewarding and I know I can thank him for pushing me and being supportive.

On his end, I know the most rewarding thing for him is how supportive I am in his career. He’s starting out as a videographer/producer and it’s a tough industry. He gets big clients (proud girlfriend over here)! But it’s sporadic. It’s tough to take an unconventional path, because everyone wants to tell you how to live your life and how to build your career. But I was in the same boat as him, it took me 3 years to successfully create my dream career, and I was uncompromising about it. I fully understand his journey so I know exactly what he needs to hear and how to support him. He also tells me he loves how independent I am.

Here’s where we struggle. We’re both dominant people. We both like to be right and we’re used to getting our way. I can be harsh and sassy, while he’s unable to empathize. I’m definitely the more emotional partner. I’m a strong ENJ… while my T leans toward F. I feel like we go to battle more than I did in other relationships. Although I actually enjoy the battle most of the times, sometimes it can be exhausting. Especially when I have to explain how I need him to empathize with my side. It’s not that he doesn’t want to empathize - but when I say “empathy” it’s like I’m speaking a language he can’t understand. I have to break my feelings down and give him a day to process what I said, which he does and he always, without fail, comes back and is able to understand me and apologizes for what he said/did.

He really likes to be right. He likes to rub it in when he’s right. He’ll say it’s one of the few times he gets to be right and he needs to enjoy it. This can be annoying. But sometimes it’s cute, because it’s true… I’m usually right haha :joy: . I’m also a year older than him, I have a master’s in economics (he has a masters too), and I’m ahead in my career. Most men are intimidated by me but this man is SO secure in himself, that this isn’t a problem for us (it’s is the first time in my lie I can say this). I know he will be successful, I have no doubts and it’s exciting to be with him from the beginning.

We also like to get our way… and I think we both have the tendency to be manipulative during arguments/discussions. This is definitely something we need to work on. It’s weird this doesn’t bother me more. I almost understand where he’s coming from. I don’t even notice when I’m being manipulative, it’s something I usually notice after I’ve done it. Like it’s a default state that is subconscious. It’s the same for him. I call him on it when I feel he’s trying to manipulate me to get me to do or act how he wants to make him happy. This is a tactic that clearly has worked on other people. We talk it out successfully - I’m an over-communicator and I seem to do a decent job explaining my feelings and even HIS feelings to him. But I don’t expect either of us to fully stop being manipulative, the goal is to be more conscious of it so that we can control it better. Writing this out makes me a little self-conscious. This part of our relationship is so cutthroat, and we are - we’re extremely ruthless people, in some ways. And I guess this is the part of our relationship where it comes out.

I love this man. He’s the first partner I can call my true equal. Our relationship isn’t perfect by any means. But we work so hard at it. I feel like we’ve been through a lot as a team and I’m proud of us. I hope that we can overcome the challenges that come our way in the future and that we keep fighting for each other.

What do you guys think of ENTJ+ENTJ relationships? Especially ENTJ females with ENTJ males?? What are your experiences?


#2

I am an ENTJ female married to an ENTJ male. We have been together almost 7 years, married for 5, and have 2 kids 3 and 1 1/2. He is my perfect match, but we are imperfect people. We have a few similarities to your story. I am a year older and when we met I was the bread winner, but I saw extraordinary potential. I don’t doubt that he would be great without me, but since being together he now makes 5 times what he used to make. He is a partner in one business and also owns another business on the side. I believe we bring out the best in each other. We had a lot more fights and disagreements during our first year or two of being together as we worked through how to best interact with one another. But the level of comfort and trust we feel around each other is what makes it so amazing.


#3

Man that’s exactly what I need in my life is a mature ENTJ male who doesn’t waver in his ENTJness. I have heard of rich CEO ENTJs that lose their way and start being unfaithful which is horrible because the essence of us is loyalty/honesty. I wish you and your beautiful ENTJ family the best. Light a candle in that ENTJ house to send me some of that ENTJ love energy cause your ENTJ sister over here needs it to catch me one! Haha! So happy for your Dear! Peace, healing and love to you!


#4

Thanks my friend! I have no doubt you can find it too. I think it’s a matter of not settling or conforming to what others expect. As long as you don’t stop searching and believing he is out there, you will eventually find him. :slight_smile:
I think there are a lot of stigmas about powerful, rich men cheating on their wives. But I personally think that is a trait outside of personality type and often originates out of a mismatched pair. I know I don’t fear it in the least. The best unsolicited advice I can give to you once you do find an ENTJ male is to be vulnerable. It’s hard for us ENTJ females to let our guard down, but it really is the key to connection. Otherwise people perceive us as conceited and calculating. I think ENTJ men can understand the layers and have more patience with us. Love to you and best of luck!


#5

Hi ENTJ sister, yes I could agree that maybe it is an unmatched pair and there are other factors unbeknownst to us but I think just because they become rich doesn’t mean they have matured. An immature ENTJ will cheat it seems I’ve been hearing. But I’m glad you are with an ENTJ man who you know you have nothing to worry about. That’s one of our best traits is loyalty. I just broke up with a borderline personality disordered man who I became too vulnerable with that almost cost me my life and now I’m not sure if I will be able to be vulnerable with my ENTJ man…but I will try to keep what you said in mind nonetheless to try to access that vulnerability again. No I’m not settling until he finds me/find him or I’ll just be alone (with my future horse…no bestiality :imp:). I know that is the only kind of man that can handle me so it’s either him or nobody, like you said they understand us the best. Thank you for letting me know there’s hope and your well wishes to me to get him. Healing, wisdom, peace, success & love to you/your entire family!