ENTJ male, in love with ENTJ female


#1

Removed


#2

This is really interesting. So many questions.

What are the highs, and what are the lows?
Did you ever wonder about the complementary Vs similar issue? i.e. Being with someone who was very different from you Vs someone very similar?
If you had to start over, what, if anything, would you do different? What have you learned over the three years about making things better?
What was the courtship like? Because I imagine it would be very different from most other situations.
What feedback would you offer someone else beginning a similar situation?

And, out of curiosity, whats your sibling order? e.g. Are you both older siblings?


#3

Spoken like a true narcissist. :handgestures-thumbupright:


#4

:clap:


#5

Dude I wish I could say the same.

I hope you guys stay together forever, plus infinity!


#6

My best long-term girlfriend was either a fellow ENTJ or close to it. We solved that by being willing to follow - usually her, but sometimes me. It IS OK just to go along for the ride sometimes, especially if you trust the driver.


#7

Go conquer the Earth, be fruitful and multiply.


#8

As an ENTJ who has never dated an ENTJ (I used to only use the personality types to help with work so I am new to exploring my interactions with others), I would think I could completely trust a fellow ENTJ to lead as I would, and I would like taking a back seat. I think this dynamic would make me very comfortable because then more traditional gender roles would take over. There would probably be understood guidelines and I would expect to feel secure with this person, expecting that they would be there for me.


#9

Yes - also you could lead some of the time and he could follow. I think ENTJ’s are also good followers or team members, since we see the need for leadership and respect other leaders.


#10

Agreed - if I am confident in someone I have no trouble handing over the lead, it actually feels good sometimes! I would think two ENTJs would want clearly defined responsibilities in the relationship.


#11

Excellent implicit point! Although I am cooperative with decent-seeming, task-oriented leadership, I have a real contempt for poor leadership. Maybe I’m unconsciously, or even consciously, thinking I could do better, and wish I were the leader. Anyone else share that perception?


#12

Sounds so interesting. Seems that your relationship never becomes dull :smiley:


#13

I would worry about a family with two ENTJ’s, we’d both be off conquering the world and the poor kids would have enough trouble living up to one perfectionist parent let alone two. The challenge would also to not be so dogmatic as to suffocate and kill off their development too.


#14

I think I’ve not even met an ENTJ female in person. But I dated an INTJ. It was good duo to our similar thought process. She is the rare person you don’t have to teach the "how to"s all the time!

Thinking about the hypothesis of dating an ENTJ or even work with another one it sounds amazing. You see, I don’t LIKE leading. The reason I do it is because generally a- there is no one else fitting for the job (to spell out, NT or very well-developed ST) and/or b- the ones who ARE able to do the job are to reluctant or indecisive (‘P’ types…). It would be great to work with people without facing those kind of problems…


#15

I have read some post somewhere about a couple of ENTJs. In fact, i do think that there should be 1 party must satisfy for the happy of the family. There is a saying in my country: " Man builds house, woman builds home" which states the role of the man and the woman in a family. Mostly the man should be the one who take charge of the family, i the woman make it to be a real home. That’s what Bill Gates and Melinda ( an INTJ i guess?) did. Melinda is an elite woman, but she still can satisfy her career for building a happy family. I do think she think family is the thing that makes she happy most. And it is worth it.
I dont know whether it fits the Western culture or not. But im asian, and i think it fits my thought.


#16

yeah but she can’t just be a clueless wife and has to have some idea of his world. For example, in two of my favourite shows, Mad Men and Entourage there are two probably ENTJ types, Don Draper and Ari Gold who have to deal with additional hassle from their wives who are imposing silly domestic crap on their husbands with expectations not in line with who they actually married especially when they are undergoing stressful periods. They get in the way of and have to be tolerated by their husbands, and in the end the costs are so dear that both end up divorcing. Bill and Melinda work because she also at one point had a career and worked under him so she understood the demands and the kinds of decisions he had to make.

In my view, we probably know more than most people that we’re not perfect and invincible and in my opinion, a wife just as a domestic housewife is a waste of potential for someone to catch you when you fall, or share some of the load when you need it most, and not to forget push you to even greater heights with her support :slight_smile:


#17

what I want to know is where did you find her? Based on the date of the original post, I am not expecting a reply from the author so if anyone else can make recommendations as to where to find and how to recognize ENTJ females, feel free to chime in.


#18

Dont misinterpret what i said about the role of man and woman in family life in the saying above. I didnt mean that the man should bear the load of earning money to support the whole family and the woman should be housewife. No. with a female ENTJ, being housewife is nightmare! you have ENTJ gf, you should know that. As per my opinion, a man who wants his wife to be totally a housewife is stupid. As he will not know what would happen in the future, why should he bear such a heavy load while his wife can share it with him? And even the woman who chooses to be housewife is not wise too,if she doesnt consider eveything carefully.Why? She has to depend on him so many things. what if one day her husband doesnt consider her as attractive anymore when he has met so many attractive younger women outside, and then leave her? if a little better,assume she got money from the divorce, but does it worth it for her youth? for the years she has spent and devoted her life with him? and heart broken? can money heal all the hurt? From my perspective, i dont find it’s worth that.
Bill and Melinda works, as at a certain point in her life, she gave up her job to contribute for the family, as she considers her family ( children…) is her ultimate happiness, not career success. But you should remember that she worked as a manager in his firm. and she just stopped her career advancement for some time to take care of the family. And she knows Bill can handle the lead. But she was not totally a housewife, she did other things also ( founding a charity…,) then she didnt get bored.
At some certain point of life, a woman (and even man) should know what is the best for them to choose. And do the trade off. There is always a trade off you have to choose in life. The most important thing is whether the trade off is worth for. If you are single, it’s much simplier. You normally mostly just be responsible for your life only, so, being much career ambitious is very good. But if you have a family, then there are many things you have to consider. I have known a married woman IRL. She was so ambitious for her career, she even stopped her pregnacy to study abroad for PhD, and she could not have children anymore. What did she get? A broken family, and she even lost the most meaningful thing in a woman life: being a mother. So what did she get and lost from the trade off?
I do think a healthy relationship is the relationship that help both move forward, in the same direction, can rely on each other. when one party falls down, the other person can handle the load for help her/his partner out.Yes, the man should be strong enough to have ability to handle the load of the family with support of the woman. And the woman should know when to put what is more important for her family all over her own other things. The saying i stated in previous post mainly is about this.
For the helping the husband as what you said. Yes, i agree! But remember that both parties should know about the other’s problem to help each other out. So you should share all your problems ( if any) with your gf :wink:


#19

fgh


#20

B-rad, I didn’t specifically meet her at an ENTJ convention or anything if that’s what you’re wondering. Nah it was just a convention, mutual interests that sort of thing. Only found out the ENTJ thing later.

Haha good! ok at least another female entj shares that opinion then. I wasn’t sure if this was something I could assume because I’ve met plenty of girls who think it weird that I am not looking for the housewife type. It’s probably disqualified at least 50% of the girls I’ve dated. One in particular I met at a networking event where I happened to run into some other people in the film industry, and we’d worked on some of the same sets but diff days and she was with me but straight away she went away “while the men talked business”, even though this was something she wanted to do with her life as well. That was also the moment when I thought we’d not work out since someone who would shy away like that and assume the domestic role.

But to be clear, we’ve only just met and friends for now. You know the saying that the man makes the first move but it’s the woman who chooses, still working on the latter :wink:

Yeah I can understand it being particularly hard for an ENTJ woman, but I think nowadays it’s a friendlier age for that. You can run an empire online nowadays and still be at home for the family, I think too many women blind themselves to that option while wanting to have/keep a “real job” that is bad for them because of the social acceptance of that norm. It also reminds me of another saying “at some point, a woman must has to make her career her man’s”, so best if you were both pointing in that direction in the first place. Bill and Melinda is a good example.

haha ok vote of confidence! the timing worries me though. We’ve only very recently met so the difficulty is in to still let things develop normally friendship and dating wise, because even if in this case I can see a possible future already I’m trying to not freak her out. I’ll be especially buried by next year. So hopefully things develop naturally and I don’t screw things up. Still feel like I’m in the “minefield” stage right now. I wish we’d met a year ago tbh.