This may be totally stupid, but here we go…
In the 9th grade, I was the center of a “popular” group of friends. At the same time, I started doing really well academically. By the beginning of 10th grade, however, the whole group slowly stopped calling to hang out.
For the next two years, I didn’t really have any close friends. I was popular at school (I knew a lot of people), but never really hung out with people after school or on the weekends.
Whenever I would talk to anyone in the group, I wouldn’t be able to connect with them like I used to. I actually starting thinking they were really annoying. But, the thing is, they were still nice to me, at least on the surface. I’m not sure if we stopped hanging out because I didn’t like being with them or because they didn’t like being with me.
It seems that ever since they apparently rejected me in the 9th grade, I’ve always subconsciously wanted to impress them, to win them back. It has been 7 years since all of this happened (I know- sad). The whole group is still pretty close. Sometimes, I feel really bad because it seems like they still all enjoy hanging out with each other, but I am not there to be a part of the group.
Sometimes, I feel like there is something wrong with me. I used to be popular and could joke around with anybody. Now, I have a hard time connecting with some people. I find small talk really frustrating and hard. Oftentimes, I get super bored with most conversations. I find myself judging people rather than enjoying their company.
Like I was saying earlier, I have always been popular, but have had trouble having close friends, people to hang out with on the weekends, etc. Everyone that I meet says that I am one of the most social people they’ve ever met. I can walk up to anyone and start a conversation. However, I often feel like people don’t like me. I feel like people are just putting up with me.
- Am I over-analyzing?
- Is that just part of normal high school drama?
- Does this relate to being ENTJ?
- Is there something I can work on to improve upon this problem?
- I am just flat-out crazy?
- Other thoughts?