ENTJ under depression


#1

Have you ever been through a depression? What have you done those times?


#2

Yes, and still am in a mild depression.

I go into repetitive task mode to relieve my feeling of worthlessness. I do small stuff to earn money, work online at mturk.com, boring repetitive tasks, I clean up my room, buy supplements to try to get into shape… That’s what I do to try to relieve depression and stress.

But what depression makes me do is run away from society, stay in my room online forever, my palms sweat when I go into a crowd after spending a few days alone, I can’t warn of negative thoughts, my fear of rejection goes into overdrive, I can’t use the phone to call strangers or when it gets bad to call people I know, I feel tired all the time, my ideas rot along with me in a txt file on my desktop because I have no motivation to work, I think I’m worthless, stupid, passionless, a phony, I procrastinate, my memory and learning ability suffers… I could go on forever…

It’s gotten a little better the last 6 months maybe but not much better. It always comes back but now I’ve found a way to keep myself occupied. I make websites to try to earn money and get my life straightened out.

I can write this easily on an anonymous forum but if I said it to people IRL they would either pity me or not understand me, and both are bad in their own way. There are only two people who know I’m depressed and one of them is even more depressed than me.

Conclusion: real depression is debilitating. It’s not something you get for a few days. It’s horrible, and it can hit awesome ENTJs too, who turn into INTJs while they’re depressed. There are many of those on the INTJ forum who self identify as INTJs but they are actually depressed ENTJs.


#3

I have been through that. It was aweful feelings and moment. ENTJ would become INTJ when being depressed i guess. Most 8 types enneagram ( many are ENTJs ) have tendency to turn to type5 ( mostly INTJs) under depression.
I came to the sea, went swimming and did other activities. They helped.


#4

fgh


#5

Have been, some years ago. I also engaged in repetitive activities (though not ‘mindless’: specifically online magic and online poker).


#6

fgh


#7

I rarely get depressed, but when under stress, I try to find a lot of things to focus on if the problem is not something that can be immediately dealt with until the solution comes to me.


#8


#9

Another way for saying:" poor them, as they have to suffer me much" :mrgreen:


#10

Yes, that’s what I thought. I don’t think ENTJs get depressed that easily. Am 40 and don’t quite remember being depressed. I rather feel angry, anxious and abusive, but not repressed.


#11

Depression may have many causes. But what ever the cause many times it is hard to get out of the mood.

The word “depression” would seem to be a slow state of mind but acutally it may come from overthinking a seemingly unsolvable situation. Some people liken depression to being on a merry-go-round that is going so fast you can’t get off.

Anti-depression drugs actually allow the mind to slow down so you can get off.

Depression then is what a friend of mine calls circle thinking. Thinking the same situation through over and over with no good outcome.

You might try writing the situation out on paper. That gets it out of your head and into a form you can see. Sometimes the situation does not appear so overwhelming when you can see it on paper.
This can sometimes help to stop the circle thinking.
Try it.

Then list the possible outcomes. What is the worst outcome possible and then reconcile yourself to that worst possible outcome.

90% of the things we worry about never come to pass anyway.

mserogerb


#12

I like how you define this.

I read this really great book called “Beating the blues” by Robert L Leahy. It takes about a whole list of self defeating feadback loop / circular thinking things that we do to ourselves when get into a situation we can’t fix or overcome. I really like this book and it gave me a few things to think about how I deal with some things and how I might adjust and work on this in a more productive way.

What I seem to do to is

I try very hard to come to get some closure. Examine everything and see if I could have done it better, if it happens again what would I do differently and all the possible what ifs etc etc. This just gets me into such a bad state because sometimes there is no answer and not everything can be fixed. That book made me realize its ok to be ambivalent about something. Also that not everything is fixable. To give myself sometime to think things through and move on. If I catch myself doing this, to distract myself and find something to do, so that I don’t think about it.

Maladaptive behaviors /thought processes associated with depression:

  1. sense of hopelessness
  2. perfectionism
  3. fear of failure
  4. seeing things in black and white
  5. rumination (thinking about it over and over)
  6. thinking that one is a loser
  7. needless worrying

I seem to like to list things!

I do mainly no5 and this leads to no6. Which of the above do you find yourself doing?


#13

Oh, can I jump in? I have suffered through a horrible relationship breakup that depressed me so badly I considered drowning myself. I agree with the others that INTJ’S are most likely depressed ENTJs.

When I am depressed I get hyper critical of myself and focus on all the dozens of things I should be doing or used to do that I am not currently doing/ don’t do anymore. It’s almost a cycle of self condemnation and hatred for not being strong enough to get over it already. Or being so weak I have to do away with myself rather than live another minute like this. Or that I have to leave because I am not good enough anymore.

I have a hard time being around people or connecting with people; typically I start detaching. I will want to sleep or be in the dark all the time. When I am forced to interact with people I usually get irritated or openly angry.

I am no longer depressed; but it took about a year. I had never experienced depression before then.


#14

I’ve been clinically depressed, probably 15 years, to deafness. I am a very social person but being deaf prevents me from socializing. My speech is audible but my lip reading skills is not high enough to understand a complete stranger right away. It’s such a chore to meet with new people.

I heavily considered suicide in the summer and even attempted to with around 1200mg of percocet and mix of muscle relaxers. This was due to a very nasty way of breaking up. Both of my children will forget me. Never know who I was. Etc. Once I noticed that I was really dying, I realized this is not what I want. I fought for my life. If I just relax, I would notice I am not even breathing. My body didn’t even realize that I need air. I had to voluntarily breath for hours, my eyes were so heavy - nothing I’ve felt before. I couldn’t even walk right. I fell asleep at one point and one side of my body was completely numb. I’m guessing the sleep lasted about 10 minutes then I went to the ER. The doctor was amazed at how much pills I took and still alive to go to the ER considering how long it has been.

I thought what I was doing is very rational. I couldn’t figure out any other way to deal with the feeling I had. I almost regret the experience.

Ever since, I’ve been better now that I really do not want to die. I have learned so much from that experience along with few ways to deal with very extreme feelings. ENTJs really do not know how to deal with feelings.


#15

Do any of you guys feel “grandiose” or overly confident when you are stressed? Like you start having huge ideas that are too ambitious to realistically achieve?


#16

I am an ENTJ girl who is 19 years old. I have been battling depression ever since I was 13/14. I have somewhat recovered but am still fighting against it. From what I know, clinical depression may start from problems, but it also happens also because there is chemical imbalance in the brain. This makes it impossible for anyone with clinical depression to just ‘think positively’ and overcome the depression because this is closely related to the chemicals in your brain which you obviously cannot control. To overcome it, spending time doing something that you like or get distracted by activities alone is not enough. You will need professional help from psychiatrists and perhaps psychologists. Anti depressants are important for your recovery as they help to balance the chemical in your brain. If someone tells you to just ‘snap out of it’ or just ‘think positive’ then you will get better, do not believe them. This is because they do not have the fundamental knowledge of depression. Going through the vicious cycle of negative thoughts is not something that you want and you should not be penalized by it. Just by thinking positive alone is not enough. My psychiatrist however adviced me to take the medication consistently, do not stop the medication abruptly, trust your doctor. Exercise a lot, as it helps to elevate your mood by increasing your dopamine level. Of course you should seek help in dealing with your psychological factors. Although I mentioned that solely doing activities that you enjoy is not enough but it will help. Talk to a psychologist, he/she will know how to help you. From my experience, I do not recommend counsellors as they are not trained professionally and might not know how to handle clinical depression. In my case, my counsellors handled my clinical depression very very terribly and that led to even more serious problems. You may talk to your friends & family members whom you trust but choose the people wisely as some people might criticize you instead of encouraging you. It is good to express your own emotions. Being able to cry is not a sign of weakness. Have fun with people whom you love and accepts you too. From my experiences, you will feel much better when you’re able to socialize with healthy people whom you love and accept the way you are =)


#17

The previous post resonated quite intensely. I am 21 and currently have some form of hormonal/neural chemical imbalance. My inability to surmount control over it leaves me feeling restless at times. It’s been about 7 years now. I’ve yet to meet with any counselor concerning the issue. I think it might just make matters more burdensome for me. I tend to dislike introspection, especially feelings. I’ve expressed myself to some people. I like the fact that I can voice out my insides. Though, I’m very selective. I find it very distasteful when people misunderstand my “voicing out” and tell me to “snap out”. I rather not bring up the topic. I will mostly like end up arguing. I just very well dislike this battle. I’ve chosen not to taking psychiatric medicine. I tend to hide these inner feelings and go on with my daily business. But here and there, abruptly, these strange feelings come. I feel frustrated by them. I don’t want to deal with them. Feelings: that is not where I thrive. Through out my life, feelings have either been buried or intensely expressed.
The depression hasn’t hindered life for me. I still manage to stay on top of everything and excel. I am also very well ahead of my peers. I just don’t like knowing that I could be doing better and more, if it weren’t for this dang depression.


#18

When I was in my teens I associated with depression as a way to identify myself. I didn’t fit in any particular group although I was athletic and smart. I also suffered some bullying. Estranging myself from the rest of society was a mechanism that allowed me to move deeper into my emotions and explore some things that has shaped my professional and personal life today.

I haven’t experienced depression since, because I recognize that when one lacks a meaningful purpose in life it’s easy to become miserable. It’s a way of control and confirmation of the victim mentality inside. If I am not a victim to the world’s circumstance then what am I? Am I a change agent? Thats too much to digest even when its meaningfully ideal. It wasn’t until I recognized that life is shaped by my own hands, purposefully and intentionally with with and might that the paradigm shift occurred. i did this by workout out and changing the shape of my body. Heavy weights allowed me to sculpt my body purposefully in a slow and progressive way that was meaningful and restored my faith back in life.

When we choose the circumstances of our life and derive meaning by asking not what life has to offer us, but what life demands of us, and that we owe it to life to answer it each and every moment we move past the isolation and distraction of depression and into the light of day.