ENTJs and Extreme Habits


I’m a female ENTJ and the mother of a two-year-old. I’ve been staying home with him for almost a year.

My habits are extreme. I’m wondering if any other ENTJs go through this? Running five miles every single day or not running at all? Eating super healthy meals or just junk food?

I have always been extreme. But motherhood seems to have made it wayyyyy worse. I will get rid of stuff in the house until there’s nothing left just to relieve the stress of having stuff I can’t control. And then I’ll let stuff accumulate with the intention of trying to control it better.

I never just relax, I’m always doing a million things. And being a stay-at-home mom is really boring, even though I busy myself all freakin’ day and late into the night. But I chose it because I want to do the best possible job of raising my son and I don’t trust anyone else to do it. Extreme! So extreme.

Who else has extreme habits?


All types run the risk of being extreme. Just like all types can get there cool on. However as an enfj who has also jumped to extremes I feel I can relate. For me most extreme behavior can be connected to the "I have toos " Rather than the I want to. Or a result of coming out of depression. At those times the motivation comes and goes. This is actually normal.
You sound like a person who can achieve things that surpass your peers in whatever you put your heart into. It is good at this time to be kind to your mind. You will bounce back when you are ready. ENFJs are famous for rising from their ashes


Where do I even start?

Basically in the idea that a lot of the underlying assumptions of ‘being an ENTJ’ are worth questioning. For example -

  • whether its possible to be alone without being lonely?
  • Whats it like to feel all your physical sensations - from athletics, to sitting, to walking, to sleeping… what is the sensation like? Can you feel your blood flowing through your body? Sounds crazy but worth investigating
  • observing your feelings (and your thoughts) - i.e. naming them, without judging them
  • postponing judgment, and instead wondering what’s going to happen (rather than deciding what’s going to happen, or putting a probability on it)

These are mostly things to experience all alone, and do not require any equipment, special location, instruction or anything other than your attention.

Is relaxation something you want? Why do you want to achieve anything? Whats the why behind the why… all the way down?

What is the ‘best’ you can do for your child? Where does self acceptance fit in? Where does the child’s self acceptance, and acceptance by you fit in?

Are you trying to prove anything? To yourself, or someone else? And why? Is it necessary? What will you do once you’ve done the proving?


I had a similar experience when it came to motherhood. I had extreme habits before, such as alcoholism, shopaholism, extreme cigarette smoking, I obviously had to quit all that during pregnancy and once my child was born, I developed an eating disorder, and went down to size 00 and 100lbs, shedding 80lbs in 6 months. ENTJs are known for their desires to NOT be controlled and domineered by others, the extreme habits may be our way of saying NO to the restrictions motherhood brings. I didn’t have control over much during my transition to motherhood. My parents had disowned me for having a baby, the baby’s father was abusive and controlling, and nothing in my life was in my control. I was socially disgraced and exiled and the extreme controlling of what I ate and my weight gave me some relief to the lack of control I had in my life. I am divorced now, run my own business, make my own schedule and every aspect of my life is controlled by me, and when I do relinquish control, it’s done willingly and I have no extreme vices anymore.


I can completely relate! I am also a stay at home mom to a 2 year old and 7 month old. I had them 18 months apart. Before that I was doing very well in corporate America, but it was always my plan to stay home with my kids in early years because like you I know I can provide the best for them. I do everything in extremes as well. My husband is an Entj and he is the same way. That’s why we had our kids close in age. We really committed to the baby stage. It can be frustrating at times. I can really relate to the health part. I will put off dieting and working out for a period of time, because I am focusing on something that is mentally/physically draining me elsewhere. But then when I come back to it I will decide to be in the best shape of my life. I am very much an all or nothing person and always have been. I have always struggled with a constant balance, but it seems to have allowed me to achieve a lot in my life. I have always been one to commit completely to stages/goals in life. Right now I am committed to my kids during this critical stage in their life, and my 2 year old is insanely smart and talks and acts like a 3+ year old. My husband is just like me. We are the epitome of work hard/play hard. He works for a small company that we are vested in, so he can often pick his hours with clients. He will work a 30 hour day and then choose to be with our little girls and I in the following days. It is more rewarding to both of us to live on the edge of deadlines and make the world mold to us. I don’t know if we will ever break the extreme habit mold we were both born into, but I love that I have someone along for the ride that doesn’t judge. I have a theory that Entjs can be extremists because of our ability to be more decisive than any other personality type.


I think i have an explanation about this extreme habits.
Firstly the ENTJs have the ability to achieve there goals, when you decide to do something you do it, when you change your direction to something (good or bad) you feel that you had to do it and finaly you will get it, we may neglect in extremely way everything just to succeed. (i’m talking about myself i have ENTJ too).
So in your case you should only chose the right one or combine between tow goals.