I’m a very confused INTP, and need some relationship advice, please.
I dated an ENTJ for 2+ years, and whilst we argued a lot, it was a great relationship, and I had a lot of respect for him. He moved back to USA (his home), and I was meant to be visiting him this summer for 3 months to scope it out/possibly marry him and settle there. (He was very pushy about marrying, but I wanted to check things out first, and ‘be sure.’) 3 weeks before I was due to fly (tickets bought, etc.), he told me he had met someone else, had been dating her for a while, and wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. I asked him to make his mind up, but he dithered, and accused me of not loving him enough, because I wouldn’t marry him immediately, amongst other things. He wouldn’t talk to me face to face (he told me on IM!), took ages to answer my emails/ignored my phone calls, and carried on dating this woman, so I ended our relationship and cut all contact with him (I was heartbroken). He offered to refund my plane ticket (which was kind of him).
He got back in touch a month later, telling me he regretted what he’d done and wanted to talk. He pestered me with emails a few times, which I ignored at first, then answered, asking him to give me space. He kept emailing, on and off. Finally, 3 weeks ago, I replied, We chatted by IM a few times, and he said he still loves me/wants us to resume our relationship, etc., and wants to pay for me to fly out and see him so we can talk. I said no, I just wanted friendship (I don’t trust him anymore). Anyway, to keep it brief, I started to open up and get friendlier, wondering if there is another chance for us. Then he started acting strangely. E.g. he’ll get in touch on IM, then say he’s too busy to talk when I respond. He says he loves me one minute, then the next hints that I’m not that important to him anymore. I can’t make sense of what is going on. I asked him if he’s messing with me, and he told me he loves me and would never do that… but then carries on blowing hot and cold (or so it seems). Once very straightforward, loving, and honest, now he seems to be playing games. Is this something an ENTJ might do in certain circumstances, and if so, why? (I really don’t understand people politics or games-playing).
I’m about to cut him off for the second time, this time for good, but wanted to ask for feedback from some ENTJ’s first, in case I’m missing something…