ENTJs- Have you ever stolen someone away from another?


#1

The reason I’m asking is I’ve somehow caught myself in a situation in which I have met someone who already has a fiancée. Now before you start throwing rocks/diatribes/lectures at me, I have to say here that I absolutely detest people who cheat and would never do it myself nor be a part of it since I hold myself to one of those people who has perfect control of her emotions and her desires. (A quality I find attractive in men as well as I rarely like idiots who only think with their lust and possess no self control).

But I wonder if I may be too rigid in my moral stance here? When would it be appropriate to “steal someone away”? BTW, in all honesty, I don’t think people can be stolen away, and I respect men to make their own decisions and to properly end relationships before starting a new one without me having to ask him to do it, although I might’ve been a catalyst, I rather not be involved in his decision making process. The old “he has to choose me of his own free will than me giving him an ultimatum or making him do it” sort of thing. However, I’m beginning to think ENTJ men (this one is an ENTJ :laughing: ) likes a bit of catty fighting behaviour over his affections to make him feel desired and wanted. Of course, being an ENTJ female, I would never lower myself to such despicable acts of daytime soap operaish behaviour.

So I’ve decided on the avenues in which to capture this man’s affections and it occurred to me that is it similar to how I would like to be seduced myself :laughing:

So ENTJs- is it OK to steal a man/woman away who is already in another relationship? BTW, his fiancée is a really lovely woman, and if she were a man, I would want to date her myself. However, my instincts tell me that I must have him for myself, although I would be OK if he were to be happy with her as well, without me as I am at a point where I haven’t completely fallen for him, but I could see that the more time we spend together, the greater my feelings for him begin to intensify.

Although he isn’t really what I considered my type per se, I found that interaction with him has an additive effect, where my attraction for him magnifies as I get to know him more, whereas with previous men, I found myself becoming less interested after time, even if initially I was extremely interested and would only stay in the relationship as a matter of duty and guilt.

With him it’s that’s ENTJ + ENTJ connexion. I can see when he’s playing games or testing me, because it’s something I would do myself. :laughing: Not out of malice of course, but to see how invested the other person is in me. I also feel as if we can teach each other many things, as he has a scientific background, and I never tire of his analyses and observations. In fact, when I act dour, he points out the positive, despite being the cynical person that he is and vice versa when he acts like a misanthrope. No other man has ever made me laugh so much before, and we have that elusive chemistry in which sex would probably be a series of terrific fireworks if only he succombs to me completely.

And yes, of course I feel bad for his fiancée and she deserves the utmost respect, but let’s be perfectly honest, he and I are better suited to be together to conquer the world. So why not?

ENTJs- comments and analyses please.


#2

ENTJ female to the rescue-- Take the man. Yes, her happiness is somewhat important, but if you think he can do better (AKA you), then by all means. The morals are nice but at some point you have to live a little, and what better way than seducing an engaged man… I say go for it, but then again ask my ENFP friend… lectures for 6 hours Certainly keep doing what you’re doing, because you both seem to enjoy being together. And yes, the sex would be spectacular. Science-y men are the best, so may the better female win. Good luck, you have my blessing.


#3

you just spoke out what on my mind :smiley: :smiley: wooow

I am an INFP , and i am attract to an ENTJ male who is already engaged.
we have a bloody chemistry between us , he is smart attractive and we can talk for hours in different subject , with him i cant stop laughing , i am simply happy .

i met him at work, so our relation was professional at first , and after 2 months we were talking in daily basis …
but suddenly i figure out that he is engaged to one of his relative that lives abroad … a very traditional old style engagement

i was chocked and i cried a lot (my emotional side was hurt), somehow i refuse to let him go … i want him :smiley:

for an INFP , it is hard to me to seduce or manipulate someone . but for this guy i am ready to do anything …

i never felt like this before with any other man , i am mentally emotionally and physically taken by him

PS: he like me too but since the other one in his life i can understand that i cant pass any boundaries… :frowning:

please i need your advice … i didn’t saw any articles about ENTJ male and INFP female

i would like to have your point of view , i want to see from an ENTJ perspective

waiting for ur reply

thank you


#4

Okay okay, I’ll give you the “ENTJ” response which I formerly thought was uniquely my own :wink:

Statistically speaking, someone willing to cheat (or leave a significant other for another with little experience, which is driven by the same evolutionary motivations) is VASTLY more likely to do it again. Further, someone who doesn’t understand that butterflies and excitement fade, and strong lasting compatibility is what is permanent, is VERY likely to jump from relationship to relationship, and yes, PAST YOU. Do you really think this wasn’t a phase with his soon to be WIFE? Do you think they didnt have this stage at first? You’re kidding yourself. So when it fades with you, you will have invested years of your life only to find he has found a new girl who makes him feel that way again. Even if he realizes that the chase is futile (and likely an ENTJ will), he will resent you and end up in a forlorn state.

That aside, you are approaching a LOGICAL man. There is exciting, but when that wears off (and it will, I promise you that), he will analyze your contribution to his life vs the added stress you bring. Oh yeah, and I dont know how young you are, but know that there WILL BE STRESS. Don’t life in the fairytale of the american entertainment industry, believing love is perfect, or that conflict induces compatibility. It isn’t and doesn’t.

And what if he is one who thrives on this excitement? Like I said, I swear to you, mark my words, excitement will fade… it always does. I’ve done an analysis on human emotion, especially the cultural understanding of love (ENTJish right?) and when that butterfly in your stomach dies (which is just an evolutionary drive to reproduce, nothing more) you must have a deeper connection. Do you? Do you even know for sure? You don’t know because the initial stage blinds you, and for all you know his current fiance could have had that same stage PLUS a real connection. And the giggles, fun, and butterflies are not connections. They’re just compatibility and a sexual attraction!

So what you’re thinking about in the above paragraph is, are you willing to destroy someone’s impending marriage on the off-chance that you aren’t going through an evolutionarily, reproductively driven “honeymoon phase?” If you are, then nobody will change your mind… but know that you are putting someone else’s happiness on the line because of the butterflies you failed to appropriately categorize. If you really “love” him, consider that you might let him go where he has a higher propensity for happiness. If you lust for him, or desire him, that is a selfish emotion and you are disregarding HIS happiness.

And before you say “he isnt that happy,” understand that perceiving a better option when you’re about to make a lifelong commitment breeds unhappiness where it would normally not be present. You are probably the reason he is unhappy in his current relationship.

I know this sounds harsh, but it’s just harsh honesty.


#5

Warrior,

Good points. To be honest, I never felt “butterflies” or was excited around him; our relationship was more as if we were comfortable together, as best friends who understand each other perfectly. In fact, I rarely feel butterflies with anyone, and often run in the other direction when meeting a man who makes me feel that way.

There have been a handful of men who have stopped my heart and made me feel intensely on edge, but I was always afraid of that attraction and instead settled for men with whom I felt more comfortable and safe.

In any case, I’m not a fan of cheating, and after much consideration decided he wasn’t worth the trouble, so have cut off all communications with him and I’m certain I made the right decision because I don’t miss him at all. As you said, I went through the deliberations after the stress he was adding to MY life, and decided that he didn’t add much value to my life and rather disliked his manipulative behaviours. Also, I’ve recently have met a man who does make me feel butterflies, with whom I feel excited to be around and who I suspect is an ISTJ. The very strange thing is that he almost reminds me of a man I was in love with at university (Jack) and they almost even look alike, in addition to having similar personalities.

I wonder if I’m forever doomed to find a man someone like Jack because I have unresolved feelings for him? I could be romanticising the entire thing as well being that I have a sentimental streak. I tend to go back to idealising him when my current romance unravels and loses its intensity. However, The new man is wonderful: he’s sexy, he makes me laugh, he is articulate, he speaks the language I love to hear and he’s hot. Also a scientist. :laughing: I don’t want to jump the gun here, but he could be The One.

So my question to you is, do you feel perpetually disatisfied in relationships? have you met the one?


#6

Infjs are funny; this infj is looking for permission to do what she wants. You don’t need permission or approval, do what you want. He will pick the fiance in the end out of loyalty. So, know what your doing enjoy the sex and study what you like about him and find another dollface. (Advice a year or so late but whatever) :wink:


#7

How bout you just love me and forget about that guy lol :wink: