ENTJs, if you don't see a future with a girl, would you cry?


#1

My ex and I have been together for over a year. I come from a middle class background, he comes from a very privledged background. Not an issue for us, but his parents won’t approve of us/me and refuses to meet me. Finally he said he doesn’t think there’s a future for us, in part because of his family and because of “a feeling”. He said he didn’t want to date any one else, or be with any one else, but that there wasn’t a future. I decided to end things, and cut off communication, in hope of moving on so we could be friends one day. After less than half a day, he called and texted me (and i ignored him) until he texted me saying “I’m literately crying right now”. I have never heard him cry or be upset, sober or not. He said he loved me and didn’t want anyone else. But when i talked to him in the morning, he said “I don’t know what I want”.
Obviously, I ended things and will cease communication because I want to get over him romantically. I’m going to work on myself. However, I was wondering if you could help me make sense of the situation, because he isn’t articulate of his feelings at all. Also, if I’m doing the right thing? I love him, and don’t want either of us to waste our time. I know I’m not the most efficient choice of a mate because of my background, but with him being so emotionally upset, is there a chance that he could come to the conclusion that I am the one he wants?
Thank you.


#2

ENTJ’s are not used to handling emotions. I personally like to keep mine tucked away under the bed where they can’t get in the way. That being said when they do manage to get loose, its very confusing for me. Your EX seems to be experiencing a great deal of actual confusion, which means that his feelings are probably very strong and very legitimate, especially if he was in tears. From what I’ve seen, ENTJ’s have the emotional capacity of someone half their age, which is why they often pair up with types like yours who have a very high emotional intelligence. They can’t really handle feelings, which is why he was so confused.

Personally if you want him to come to any conclusion you need to help him out. Whenever I got emotional, I called my ENFP friend who interpreted my emotions and then helped me rationalize them. Perhaps something along those lines would help him, because he is probably caught between his love for you and his love for his parents. He might need some help to make a rational decsion, as strange as that may sound. Otherwise he will probably avoid the issue entirely.

Additionally, if you do confront him, you need to be as stubborn as he is, because he will try his hardest to avoid the discussion.


#3

Okay, thank you so much for your response! I found it very insightful. :slight_smile:

I love my boyfriend, but he’s a very strong ENTJ. A lot of amazing qualities come with that type, but they’re also very hard to read.


#4

I suggest getting him a watch, something that reminds others of your commitment together. Another thing I often see done is leaving some item at his place so that he always has an excuse to go see you.

How it all works is that your boyfriend needs some sort of symbol or deeper understanding that has an intrinsic sentimentality. He can use this to dissuade the relationship overhead of having to interface with his family on your behalf during every social gathering. Such actions are an unneeded burden that stifles an extraverts time spent socializing.

The way I see it is extraverts are social participants and introverts are social objects. Being both extraverts you lack that object and clearly need a substitute to anchor yourself to the physical world. Otherwise you will find that you both talk over each other and are put against each other during conversations.

For example my usual response being an introvert is something along the lines of STFU “and go talk to her yourself!” when any discussion of relations come up. Thereby all information is routed to my significant other so she is well informed and cared for by providing her social needs.


#5

No, I’d move fast and decided. However, if it were a long term marriage I would reflect and evaluate over time. I get sad but in a different way. Concepts expectations failures in execution of emotions come to mind later but you learn and move on.