I'm interested to hear the views of other ENTJ's (and everyone else for that matter) on this.
As an ENTJ, my personal strengths have led to continued success in academia and the professional world. Despite my substantial interest in financial and professional success, I have had one complaint that has obstructed my ability to enjoy my successes. This being the difficulty I have with forming deep and long lasting romantic relationships.
I, at 23 years of age, have had only two real relationships, neither of which continued past 2 months.
The first was on and off for 2 years (more off than on), and involved my HS sweetheart. I was too young to see she wasn't right for me, but luckily she knew I wasn't right for her.
The second occurred over the summer before my senior year of college and I basically lived at this girls place, but was never into her enough to put a label on it.
I realize that much of my inability in the realm of love, is indicative of my (past) status as a social neophyte. I have been working on this.
However, social awkwardness cannot fully explain (or even mostly explain) my hangups with women.
I believe that the reason I have so much trouble with the opposite sex (and social situations in general) is that I hold, potential romantic partners, (or other social acquaintances for that matter) up to the same standards I hold myself. Thus, it becomes a situation where I either, 1) fall head over heals for the person and want to spend the rest of my life with them instantaneously because they live up to my (admittedly) ridiculous standards, or 2) I only want to have sex with them because I am physically attracted to them but some other issue prevents me from opening up myself to emotional attachment. While this issue is often justified, i.e. she makes me want to jam a #2 pencil into my temple every time she opens her mouth, I feel that I too often nip potential relationships in the bud before I give the other person time to get to know me, or time for me to really get to know them.
In the first of the two instances presented above, my snap judgment and pursuit don't really stand as a social detriment, except for the fact that I've only encountered one girl in my experience on this planet that stirred my soul in such a way as to make me want to commit to her unconditionally, and that in that situation, my undying and immediate affection combined with her having a long term BF I didn't find out about until 3 weeks after I met her led to me scaring her off or pushing her away.
In the latter of the two instances, it often happens that I end the sexual contact the instant I realize that they don't fit into my ideal view of what a SO should be, or I just continue sexual contact in the knowledge that I will never pursue anything more. This second option comes to pass mostly when I immediately know that the girl is crazy and doesn't warrant emotional attachment. The first however, has been occurring more and more often as I have aged.
I have noticed a similar dynamic in the way I formulate friendships. Either they fit into what I think they should be and I become best friends with them, or they don't fit and are either regulated to acquaintance status or are discarded all together.
Basically my main issue is this, how can I best reconcile my desire for a relationship with my inability to accept anyone who doesn't fit into what purpose they should play in my life without compromising my rigid, and often life saving system of ideals?
I know its vain to look at others solely based on what they can do for you, and I hate that I do it, but so far I haven't had too much luck with, or incentive to change my ways.
Any thoughts or perspectives would be welcome! Thanks for listening.