Female ENTJ & Dating:


That's interesting... I used to think the same thing (becoming famous) until I actually got to meeting hundreds of thousands of people as part of my life/career design.

This reminds me of a nifty quote by Jack Nicholson: "The average celebrity meets, in one year, ten times the amount of people that the average person meets in his entire life."

I have probably met and interacted with over half a million people in the past year and a half and...guess what...the grass is not greener on the other side. A very few number of people are good enough fits for ENTJs and 0.05% of ten million is still 0.05%, but being out there helps a lot.

I'd recommend that ENTJ males (or any male, but most are too timid to make a decision to work on something even if they know they are not good at it - ENTJs have more drive) improve public speaking skills so he is powerful enough to command attention and present to large groups of people through confident leadership. This makes it easier to be open to meeting the potential matches you meet on a daily basis because we do need to kiss a lot of frogs to sift through the rough.

For ENTJ females, I'd recommend following your heart. ENTJs love enhancing knowledge and skills in many areas of our lives, and are quick to move on upon mastery. Incorporate many passions into the different facets of your life - which is a great way to have a better base of males to choose from. Hopefully you will find the coveted ENTJ that is wildly passionate about his life AND invites you along for the ride.


As a male INFP / INTP (nearly 100% INP 50/50 TF) I find most ENTJ women to be completely annoying, narcissistic, unintelligent, boring, bossy, domineering, unfeminine, and overall retarded.

I've been married to one for over 10 years now and I'm surprised I haven't blown my brains out yet.

ENTJ women should have had penii. Granted I am not your typical football loving male, but those types are also generally inherently retarded.

Psychology, Philosophy, Art, and Science run deep with me. I have come to many of the same views on life as Kant, Hegel, Aristotle, Socrates, Einstein and others on my own before I subsequently read about the various truths or philosophies that they've discovered. This has been a bit of a strange experience for me and I've no objective explanation for this. I do not espouse to be more intelligent than others... clearly based on the facts that I have asserted here I may come off as such but I suggest the possibility that these thoughts, deep insights, and other things come from somewhere outside of my self. Perhaps that is not black and white enough for an ENTJ to swallow.

I think ENTJ's in general, women especially should spend a great amount of time deconstructing the very nature of reality. Start with your self, society, religions, institutions, the rule of law, jurisprudence, the fabric of reality, space/time, evolution, etc. After you have gone through this process over the course of several years of reflection and analysis based on your own observations and insights instead of simply robotically believing that which has been found and asserted as knowledge or reality before you existed... then come and talk to me and tell me what you know or you think to know as objective truth.

In my marriage I made well over $200k a year. My wife was a teacher and made $60k a year... and I was always belittled and felt as if nothing was ever good enough..... I guess because as her man I wasn't dominating the world as she saw fit.... based on her singleminded and robotic value systems or gender roles. It shows a very deeply flawed intelligence in my mind.

I might not have been genetically alpha but I assure you that I am far more intellectually capable than most out there as my IQ is well within the genius range. One would think that the ENTJ female would learn to evolve a bit more than needing to be bent over by spear holding dominant men leading them through the world..... get a clue and a brain.

I further assert that ENTJ's are most likely responsible for war, proliferation of weapons of mass destruction, and other abominations of humanity given their inherent retardation.





If I could find an ENTJ lady I think I'd be alright.


Oh man...I second the one who said that she was relieved to know she wasn't the only one out there like this! :smiley:

I am a more "masculine" ENTJ female, and I have a lot of trouble in romantic relationships...partially because of my head-strong nature, my loud-mouthed-ness, etc, but I think the primary problem is society's gender norms. It's like guys want to tame me. They're intrigued at first, but then the new-ness wears off, and I think I become grating (no surprise)....and they want me to be more fem, more home-oriented, and that's just not who I am.

I'm going through a divorce right now because my Introverted, Feeling husband wasn't okay with my Extroverted, Thinking ways. Basically what happened was that after we got married, he expected me to settle down and be the good, doting housewife in pearls, and I am much much MUCH too career focused for that. Trust me, I tried it...made me miserable.

At the end of the day, I had to choose between him and my education/future. Guess which I chose?

I, too, find a lot of guys to be "pussies." I particularly have trouble with Feelers because I tend to see them as over-emotional. :unamused: My best friend of the last 6 years is an INTJ, and we work extremely well together....while I am more socially inclined, he thinks through things further than I do, and provides me good guidance while letting me run around and do whatever I feel I need to do to get the job done (another thing about my ex-husband: he was an Introvert, but wanted me to be Introverted with him, and that caused a lot of conflict because he didn't understand my socializing as stress-release). Although we have never officially dated, there has been some interest on both sides back and forth. For sure we would work well as business partners. Having someone who gets the "cold" nature of your thinking, but is able to plan a little further ahead while you are already taking charge on a project and getting it started....almost a perfect fit! :smiley:

Admittedly, it is more difficult for ENTJ women to find partners than men. I have turned my fair share of women (or at least made them curious) because of the more "masculine" (as societally perceived) interpretation of ENTJ women.

In terms of dominance, I love to be both dominant and submissive, but it is a FIGHT to get me sub! You have to really earn my respect in order for that to fall into place. I am starting to see a guy currently that I am more sub with (relationally) than I ever have been with anyone else, and it is working very well. On the plus side, he seems to get my way of thinking - although I think I am even more of a Feeler than he is, which says something since I am a bitch! :laughing: - and he also lets me run around and do whatever I need to do. I suspect that he is an INTJ, like my best friend, but a little bit more sociable and a little bit more dominant. He doesn't let me get away with everything like I tend to try to do! :laughing: Only down side is that he is just as stubborn as I am! :snooty: Maybe even more so! So I have to bend to him more than I usually do. But, it works in this case.

Sorry if that was rambly! Thanks so the divorce, I'm still trying to figure all this stuff out, so I am a bit all over the place! :confused:



My SO says the same... and she's an ENFP. She's plenty headstrong, loud, and opinionated though.

I'm probably less socially-oriented than the textbook 'E', but I'm without a doubt focused externally... Much less of a homebody sort than I used to think (I'm damn near compulsive about getting out of the house and DOING things. Lollygagging around the house watching TV for a day would drive me friggin' insane).

Never really thought of myself as the Alpha Male Masculine sort, but I guess that's for the same reason I generally thought of myself as an asocial shut-in... It generally doesn't occur to me to make the comparison to the 'average', and to be honest I'm not that good at it when I do.

Not sure I'd pin it all on the gender, though. There are many pussified men out there, no doubt... But people in general can be wishy-washy wieners. ('Course, whether it's less acceptable for males is another discussion entirely.)

At present, I'm generally pretty passive and laid-back. For the most part, I only take the 'Dominant' role when I see something that Needs Done. Step up, do it, fade back to mellow. I'm ridiculously less uptight than I was as a younger pup.


I am an ENTJ and I find it hard to find partners.

I find it very difficult, to find women who are strong, opinionated and extroverts. Nearly 99 percent of the women that I attract are like the guys that the ladies were talking about. They like me at first, and then they want me to settle down with them and be some docile do boy. So now I strictly look for ENTJ type females to be the mate folks, it was a hard pill to swallow; but I have been forcing myself to be with the wrong personalities for the last 10 years, and for the next 10 I am going to change that.


As an ENTJ female, I must say the main challenge in dating for me is not the actual dating part, although I wouldn't agree to go on a date unless all of my "criteria" is met on paper, at least. Like most of the women involved in this thread, I am extremely feminine.

I know I can get overpowering at times, but i've found that the one thing that cuts through my attitude is humour. As long as my partner can make me laugh in the most serious of times (I LOVE laughter, huge priority) he will put me in my place without being too harsh. Am I freaking out about something stupid? Make fun, be witty, say something clever.

As much as I crave a man who can dominate (TOTAL turn on) I don't want him to dominate everyone.

I shy away from men who are too dominant because I feel that lustful male sexuality + dominant personality + sexual overstimulation through modern media = a man more likely to cheat.

I feel I would be best suited with a man who was driven instead of dominant but as far as sexual matters are concerned, I'd prefer a more dominant attitude. Someone who will challenge me both in the bedroom, in a physical sense, and day-to-day, in an intellectual and emotional sense (I'm not very emotional, they wouldn't have to be, just understand how it feels). I personally find it gratifying to be a lady in public, and leave my personal life in the bedroom. I'd like my man to do the same.

I think we are looking to feel understood. When someone understands you, there is a sense of relief. You don't feel as lonely, there is a sense of togetherness, like a team. We are pack-animals by nature, we look to others for comfort, regardless of MB personality determination.

Currently I am ending a relationship with a dominant businessman and I feel that I overpower him. Not because I think he's weak, because I challenge him and he doesn't reciprocate. It's like I'm playing a mental game with myself, because he won't get involved. I need to be stimulated! His arguments lack logic, and most man-children feel that having a penis is an automatic indication of a logical mind. Only real men get it.

So to conclude, I feel that it would be valuable for us ENTJ ladies to have a man that could make us feel like women and bring out our feminine side. It would probably be good to find out what makes you feel like a woman... is your intrinsic sense of femininity connected to intellectual domination? Sexual domination? Emotional domination? Perhaps it's a combination of two or all three?

We may all be NT's but different experiences have lead us to be different people, what turns you on?

After years of dating all the wrong men, I've come to realize that I need to feel sexually and intellectually dominated AND desired to feel that MY man is THE man. (If that makes sense)
I like having someone to brag about and publicize, to be glad about.

Politics IS a good place to meet these men, but political men can be tricky, so watch out! Dating someone such as a politician with a reputation to protect is a good one, they are careful to keep waters calm. Adulterous escapades may lead to impeachment down the road.

I liked the suggestion on getting famous and then picking from the lot... that was pretty clever.




I found this really interesting, and well written.


You basically said everything that I could've wanted to say. :slight_smile: :clap:


Wow.. I really am loving this discussion and banter. I feel like you might be talking about me?!!!

I love this part "It sucks because you only attract the feeler types who want to save you from yourself"
So so so so so so so true! However, I am attracted to strong men. Men who have no fear in shutting me up from time to time. However, I am who I am! And, I totally agree! I will not approach or pursue a man. I am traditional in those scenarios. I am a girly girl and I have much to offer. Yet, you need to figure that out! LOL If you can't, that's fine, I can fly solo. I meet lots of people, sometimes on line, sometimes not. However, I seem to get bored very quickly. And, I can write a pattern book on them within a short period of time. I forecast pretty much everything and when I add up enough information, I start my deductive reasoning. I also know what I want as well. I know I am not perfect, nor is he. But, it takes a certain individual for me to stay interested and engaged.





LOL. Pick up the phone, call her, ask her to be your girlfriend, tell her you are in love with her, and you won’t take no for answer. Problem solved. Let me decode for you. As an Entj, we have a lot of power beneath us and we know it. It might seem like Entj women will just “take” what we want, but we don’t. We like to know that the guy is capable of taking the lead and wants the same things we do. She has been searching for a direct confession from you, and she isn’t going to confess her feelings first. The comment about " I only do this with boyfriends" is to make you aware that it is a special privilege and that a) you can become her boyfriend or b) you can kick the curb. She has standards. She said that because she was looking for you to step up to the plate and proclaim her as your girlfriend either then or in the near future. The comments “it’s not like you ever cared anyways” was again fishing for information that you cared in an indirect way. She kept giving you opportunites to make it more than what it was: “What are we doing” “I’ve never done this with any guys” It seems like the logical response to “Do you have feelings for me” would be yes, but to me it seems like she didn’t like the on spot vulnerability. “I don’t know” was a safe answer that pushes the pressure back on you to answer first. Once you answer it will make her more comfortable. Entj’s don’t spend time with people they don’t value, and the large amount of time you two spent together shows her feelings. The problems performing in the bedroom are likely insignificant because she fell in love with your mind; the issue wasn’t in being incapable of performing but instead in not respecting her.

So why did she walk away? She walked away, because you never stepped up to the plate. She wanted a commitment and for you to initiate it. She used her mind to cut you off, because she has more respect for herself. From what you have written, I think you still have a strong chance. You need to make your feelings known without looking for her approval first and go from there. Take her somewhere romantic in public to show that she is your “girlfriend.”

I guess the real question is, do you want her to be your girlfriend? If so follow the above and I’m 99% sure it will work.


I’m new to this message board, but it’s so relieving to see other ENTJ females talking about the whole dating-scene. Being a college sophomore at a school of thirty thousand, I expected myself to find at least one suitable man within the bunch. It seems that every guy (pardon my narcissism) that comes my way is, simply put, not good enough. I find myself enamored by them for a couple of weeks and then slowly, but surely, I begin to find their faults. Their lack of drive in life, their over-sensitive demeanor, their spineless behavior in most situations, etc, etc. Being a rational person, I somehow have a knack of finding what most people insist are irrational reasons to not date someone. I need someone who can match my passion for life and have enough sense to realize that my thriving off argumentation is NOT PERSONAL. :confused: It seems to me that, besides for my two ENTJ male friends, that nearly all other people take things far too personal when I had no intentions of such. Does anyone else feel this way?!?

I’m not sure about you all, but I find myself drawn to INTJs and ENFPs. Generally, the ENFPs in my life are my closest friends. They seem to counter balance my obsessive needs and drawn out rationalizations of others’ behavior. But INTJ men – I can’t get enough. I don’t understand why this is – but I feel as though they are the best match in a dating relationship.

But as far as ENTJ women being “tom-boyish”, I was when I was younger. But now I consider myself to be athletic – but I certainly take pride in my appearance. I don’t nit-pick like some other girls, but I do not believe that my appearance says much about my personality type. O_o Don’t most girls enjoy looking aesthetically pleasing, no matter the personality type?



Wow, I totally relate!


I was sort of a late bloomer in relation to dating. I was pursuing academia and travelled all around the world, so didn’t really properly “date” until after university. Also, I typically just fell into relationships, and never really dated multiple people at the same time.

As an ENTJ female, I expect the man to be completely devoted to me and be very accomodating. One thing I hate is unpredictability, flakiness and not doing what you say you’re going to do.

Most of the ex-bfs were ENFPs and INTPs. I think they’re great as people and still friends with them. All my ENTJ female friends are single and in the same boat- except one- who got married to a great ISFJ guy. It would be nice to share a life with someone, and eventually I think that will happen, but I’m more focused on meeting my career goals and want a man with whom I can build empires together with.


So here’s the million $$ question: does that mean you want a partner who will primarily be in a supportive role with you in the lead, or another ENTJ-type who will take a slight lead, or the ideal (but unlikely) outcome of perfect equality? Its intriguing - don’t really know what your answer will be, since this is one arena where the gender difference might take precedence over personality type.

i.e. Do you expect to build an empire jointly, or participate in his empire, or expect him to exclusively support your empire? And is your vision of empire your work, or your work+family, your work+family+??? Do you prefer a guy who’s empire-building is further along than yours, or do you even want him to have his own?

I find that from a guys perspective, the answers may be somewhat more predictable, but they’re still tough. For example, I don’t know if I want a fully supportive significant other who is separate from and a refuge from the rest of my world, or someone made of steel who’s primary responsibility is the family, and secondarily can jump into my empire alongside me. I’ve experienced the first, and have begun thinking the second option is preferable. But not having experienced it, its just speculation right now.


Good questions, ComplexMango. It depends on what field his profession is. Typically, I don’t like to date men who work in the same profession as I do. I make a distinct separation from work with romantic relationships and I don’t like them to overlap. Ideally, my SO is the refuge I come home to, and with whom, we are a united front socially. I certainly don’t want to work with my partner- I rather he be supportive emotionally or else an investor in some venture we are creating together. If he had his own empire or venture, I’ll be very impressed. However, I’ve noticed that those men typically are older men who will want to date someone half their age. :confused:

An older man certainly is appealing if he has a lot of resources at his disposal and has the power to make all your ambitions a reality, but I don’t really want to be flavor of the month.

With younger entrepreneurial men, I think the problem is that they create these fantastic empires with no revenue model. Sure, it’s great if your family’s trust is supporting you, but it appears to me that they are similarly looking for that elusive thing that everyone is trying so hard to grasp which only slips away, like running your hands through sand.