naturally, being intp, i am very out of sync with my surroundings, so can some female ENTJs help me understand this scenario? Sorry for the length in advance haha. She is an ENTJ who is almost three years older than me, and I am a relatively confident INTP with way more developed social skills than most INTPs, yet obviously still inaedquate enough haha.
I am on leave from school and I live on the opposite side of the country from where I go to school. I visited to hang out with my friends, and this ENTJ girl happened to come along who recently transferred. That night we were talking in a group setting and everything, and then she told me she lived near my home, and actually transferred from a school that is only about 10 miles from my house, so obviously we struck up a connection. Also, we used to both live in the same midwest state, which is an odd destination for immigrants. Naturally, I could notice that this girl and I were on the same wavelength, since my natural predisposition when talking to people is to assume that they are probably not going to be my friend at all (sad, i know). anyways, she insisted that we hang out during the upcoming break, which I obviously consented.
I really did not expect anything from this girl, because at the time I was considering someone else. For some reason we started talking online, still have no idea how that started. it got to the point whe we would catch ourselves talking about philosophy? dont know how that happened either… but then she said “its so weird… i only met you for one day, but it seems like ive known u for a long time”.
She came back home for break, and we hung out almost everyday. we live almost 25 miles from each other, so its quite an effort to try to see each other. we spent xmas and new years together. I was planning to spend new years with the other girl I was considering, but she was being flaky so I was just like fuck that and her existence has since become utterly irrelevant to me. I decided to be bold and we shared a new years kiss (more like makeout session), despite only having known each other for less than a week in person.
Its so weird… she would vehemently insist on not being physical in public (like in my house, even when my door is locked, or wherever we went to hang out), but she would get ridiculously passionate wen we were in her house, with nobody there. doesnt make sense to me…
anyways, everything took a really bad turn when we were romping in the sheets. I (as a joke, obviously) asked her to have sex, and she said that she only had sex with her bfs. So, taking this as a challenge, I got on top of her, and eventually, very subtly, you can fill in the blanks. at first she was tripping out, saying that she is paranoid of getting pregnant, but then she looks around everywhere for a condom. then we proceed, but at that time i was taking medication that stifles guys from getting hard. eventually, she took notice, and kept hiding under the blankets, and i was like, “what are you doing?”, to which she replied "this is the first time this has ever happened to me. i was like “its because i just got out from the bathroom… lets try it again.” when we did try it again, to no avail, it was just pure awkwardness. also, she kept repeating “i cant believe this happened… well it makes sense, you’re not my BOYFRIEND… i never hook up with anyone…”
after she left to go back to school, she would ask me to talk on the phone with her or webcam almost everyday. We seriously talked like… almost four hours everyday for about three months. she would be uncharacteristically very… idk. wen we hung out during break, it was seriously nonstop bashing each other. it got to the point where she was like “everytime u talk to me, u need to say 3 nice things about me.” anyways, she would say stuff like “i miss you” and “i wish you could visit”, which i found weird because she is completely devoid of emotions and feelings. one day i just straight up said “i bet you $1000 that you can’t not talk to me,” to which she obviously playfully says “hell yea i’ll take that bet”, then says “no its okay, i wouldnt do that, I like talking to you… I think it would be awkward if we stopped talking”.
anyways, i told her i would visit in april after i save enough money from my job (oh, and she also referred me to her old boss and got me an awesome job that pays handsomely). i wld ask her like “i’m planning on coming in mid-april, when are you free that month?” to which she would reply “the first week… cant u come earlier?” or guilt trip me by saying “you know what? whatevers, its not like you ever cared anyways”. which is a line she often uses… “its not like you ever cared anyways.” I told her i wld visit as long as i cld stay with her, and also her roomate would have to be gone at night, to which she agreed. actually, she used that to try to get me to visit. she was like “i practically hav a dingle (a double thats a single), since my roomate has a bf. so you can stay in my room and we can play in the sheets.”
anyways, things went really downhill when we had “the talk.” we were talking on the phone, then all of a sudden she asks “what are we doing?”, to which i try to play dumb and answer “uh… talking on the phone?”
so she keeps fishing for an answer, and keeps repeating stuff like “ive never done this with any guys… I have a lot of guy friends but its so weird the way we interact…” so I was just like (I was probably wrong to do this) “this can be resolved with one question… do you have feelings for me?”, to which she responded “I dont know”. Haha, also, at one point she was like “wow, it feels really uncomfortable talking about this stuff”, and in my mind, i was like wtf u brought it up…
anyways we hardly talk now. actually we never do. When i told her i was visiting, she told me that she would probably be busy, and that she would prefer that I stay with someone else.
Can any of you ENTJs provide any inputs for this really complicated scenario? I can’t even believe this all happened in less than 4 months… I havent had this much drama in like… the span of my whole life, so I can’t even think properly right now.