Thanks for the replies guys. I’ve given my friend a few more compliments when the opportunity arose and I sincerely hope they helped him.
Let me run another situation by you.
I headed up a small organization with another ENTJ. Our management style was balanced between egalitarian and maintaining a respectable chain of command. The organization was in steep decline when we took over and the initial goal was damage control. We made better than expected progress. I’ll call this organization A.
We were associated with two larger organizations. B was headed by an ENTJ, a popular and well known public figure whom people eagerly followed. I didn’t know him well but he gave me a compliment that I cherish to this day and encouraged me in leadership endeavors. (me actually enjoying a compliment, imagine that!) B staff members were well treated, enjoyed a high status, and their achievements were a smashing success. But the B ENTJ resigned, and afterward B began to decline. After a successor failed, my best friend, an ENFJ, was in charge and he began to prepare for a merge into a third, C.
C was led by two bright people, an INFP and an ENFP. Together, they commanded great respect internally and publicly, the ENFP was especially popular. Leadership style was strictly authoritarian with one way communication, from the top down. Staff held a humble status. Performance and accomplishments were better than ours, but less than that of B.
At the same time the troubled B was merging into C, we also merged into C. Newcomers suffered a culture shock upon joining C, realizing a much lowered status. lol Especially the A people were outspoken and challenging in their complaints to the C leadership. Then all hell broke loose. A group comprised of one half of the C leadership team betrayed the rest of the team, including the INFP and the ENFP, which sent them reeling. Soon C was was on a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, actually more downs than ups. INFP departed, which left the reluctant ENFP solely in charge. ENFP lamented that the success of C had been largely based on their partnership. Without the balance of a co-leader, C did not recover.
My fellow ENTJ and I had loyally supported the INFP and ENFP team, yet we were relegated to a second class standing among leadership and he was even demoted. It was around this time that we took the MBTI and discovered we were ENTJs, nodding our heads with recognition. Although I was among the most dedicated, ENFP regarded me with thinly veiled distrust. But my influence grew. Eventually, the time came for him to leave and there was no viable candidate to pass the torch to other than me. Nevertheless, I nearly had to beg him to promote me. But he finally did.
The organization was in a shambles, with doubt and anxieties running high. My ENFJ friend was in total despair, and left in an angry way, which distressed everyone. I lost contact with him for most of a year. I managed to turn things around and exhausted myself with overwork in the process. C is now enjoying the greatest success in its history. An ISTJ fellow leader offered to take over and I gratefully accepted. He’s doing a fine job. My ENFJ friend has returned, but despite my efforts to patch things up, he’s been chilly toward me at best. From several not-so-vague comments, I gathered that the ENFP had had significant influence with my friend. And it became apparent that the ENFP was undermining our friendship by maligning me.
I still grieve over the loss of my friend and although he played a role in this by listening to malicious gossip, I’m sad for him because he’s suffering quite a bit from the fallout. We all know that Feelers are more likely to act on emotion. What I’ve learned to be aware of is that fear and self-doubt run riot can override the sense of empathy that would otherwise drive their decisions. Sheesh after reading over this, what we’ve gone through has been worse than I thought. I’m grateful for the experiences and opportunities I’ve enjoyed tho.