How to kindly say no when they offer help?


#1

Hello

Here’s my situation. I am 17 years old, and I have a girlfriend. We’ve been friends for a long time, and a few months ago we became a couple. We’re also in the same class in the same high school Our parents don’t know much about this, although her mother is a kind person and usually offers a ride home, because I use the bus. Now, I know that riding me home isn’t comfortable for them as it takes some time, they get stuck in the traffic, and then they have to do a long ride home. I explained to my girlfriend that I am thankful for what they did but that I wish to stop use their service, as I believe it isn’t right, because I can’t give something in exchange( and I don’t like that). Despite the long explaining I did, my girlfriend still wants me to take the ride( and even her mother). Now, how do I kindly decline them, as I usually do it aggressively, but this time I am willing to do this delicately.


#2

I’m not too sure about what you should try do in that situation. Women often get their ego hurt when you say something for them out of concern for convenience or safety. It is something I have found dissatisfying about every relationship I have been in. Why anyone would want to be with someone blindly ignorant of their frailties is beyond my comprehension.

When a woman is with a man she likes to think he is some kind of superman and if anything goes wrong it is your fault because you some how had the power to stop it yet willfully chose not to. It is like an evolutionary process driving men to their deaths. The shorter your lifespan the more women want to have sex with you. Just live as dangerous as can be and women will throw themselves at you. Every second you are still alive just makes them wet.


#3

Not sure what advice I can give about turning down the ride gently, but I don’t think they think of it as going out of their way. I’d imagine that your girlfriend just wants to spend time with you, and I think her mother does too. (Not that way, doofus, get your brain out of the gutter.) If so, they probably see being stuck in traffic and driving home as well worth the privilege of your company.

I know ENTJs are all about effciency, but in order to know if a process is being efficient, you need to know what goal that process is actually trying to achieve. Which is not always the goal on the label, as it were. Sometimes, transportation isn’t about getting from point A to point B in the shortest time possible. (For example, maybe your girlfriend is taking the chance for girl-talk with her mother on the way back? Perhaps discussing how nice your butt was when you got out of the car? :mrgreen: )

If the “favor” they’re giving you is still bugging you, how about putting that energy into finding a kickass anniversary present for your girlfriend? That should go over well… just so long as you don’t blab your motive for doing so to her!