I am dating an INTJ Female


#1

Hey Folks,

I finally scored a point in the dating world!

Anyone ever dated an INTJ? I am currently dating one, and I must say I am pretty impressed; however, at times she thinks too long, and she is really slow about a lot of things. Anyone can give me any tips on how to keep her around, I do not want my ENTJ personality to scare here away.


#2

All those advices come from the perspective that she really IS an INTJ:

First of all, she ain’t slow. If you think so, you are either mistyping or misreading her. She actually thinks as good and as fast as you do (probably faster, statistically speaking). The thing is that she doesn’t need to talk so much and so loud about it, that’s all.

Also, good news: you can’t scare her by being an ENTJ. In fact your minds work pretty similarly and she will actually like your defectiveness and assertiveness. What you both SHOULD be worried about, specially you, is what I call the “J” conflict. Whenever your opinions differ, this should:

a- take to a long NT discussion that should make you both grow providing you are both equilibrated and your overall life views are not radically incompatible. Luckily none of you is likely to take it personally, but maybe you should state that out loud (if you are both correctly typed the moment you say 'I also like to discuss and understand the difference between disagreement and fight should be a moment of identification).

Second

b- make her (specially if the relationship is not really solid yet and you don’t know yet how similar you really are) jump into (bad) conclusions about you without speaking her mind. This is obviously the BAD way to go about it. INTJs would do that if the thing does not affect them immediately, but over time, this could poison any relation (as they form a bad image of you). So, what I’m saying is: don’ let any intellectual rough edges, but be sensitive while addressing them.

Having finished about the intellectual part, we should go for feelings. You know when people think you are to cold and to objective? Good news, she’s exactly like you. If things go right, you should have a stable relationship with rare, but deep displays of feelings. Not that you won’t talk, you will, but most on the rational level. The feeling exchange that WILL happen, though should be intense to the point were both of you should remind to cope with it the other’s intensity and not be harsh about it, since you both hide and protect your feelings so much. Those moments should be respected.

Overall you’ve found a good match, one that I envy. Try to focus on the similarities and rationally polish the edges on the differences over time. Best of luck.


#3

true.
You found a good match, Manasia! Make the relationship work then.


#4

Sligh thank you for the words. In all honesty, your response has been the best I have read online, in regards to ENTJ and INTJ dating. A lot of things I was reading were telling me it was not gonna work and I could not really understand why not. I figured if she was introvert and I was an extrovert, I just needed to learn to shut up sometime, and listen. Other than that, we seem to be compatible in a lot of areas.

So I will be holding on to her. Here is a picture.


#5

Nice work, buddy - I’m rooting for you! But remember to have fun and not get too caught up in MBTI analysis when you’re hanging out with her! :wink:


#6

hell yeah. Def keep us up to date on how it goes.

I am currently thinking another entj isn’t that great, there is magnification of strengths but also magnification of weaknesses like I suspected


#7

You are welcome. ^^


#8

Me too. Mine’s awesome. :slight_smile:


#9

Hey Fellas here is an update.

Me and the INTJ did not work out. She was entirely too needy. I mean everyday, I had to give her attention, and I am not that kind of guy. Other than that she had some great qualities; but I must say, after dating her and another INTJ, they are a bit too boring for me.

One thing I have learned as an ENTJ, is that we need a mate who keeps us guessing and on our toes. The two INTJ’s, I talked to were just too introverted, and anti-social for my tastes; I do not fault them for anything. I know as an ENTJ I am a bit tough to date.

I am not going to base all INTJ’s on this short experience, but I will say in defense of the INTJ’s, that these two women I dated had personality quirks, that may not be typical of an INTJ. Just because your introverted does not mean you have to be a hermit in my opinion.


#10

Thanks for the support to guys. I am really not disappointed at all, in my lack of luck in dating. I am just thankful for MBTI, it has really helped me to understand what I need from a woman. And most importantly, I have learned what I can offer, and how I work with the opposite sex. After learning of my Type, I have had a lot less Dates, LMAO, but I have had a lot less dating stress!!!


#11

Hi my name is Kristen. I’m nineteen and have had this experience with the ENTJ male from the opposite side.
“Clingy.”

The only thing I really have to say being a female INTJ myself is that I don’t have a large amount of friends encircling me, but the ones I do have are very, very close to me. A boyfriend relationship is even closer to me and that is the start of the situation…
For me to be pushing for communication and interaction is a sizeable compliment due to the simple fact that I usually don’t see much point to talking to many other people, and this means the relationship is unique.
I’m probably “mean” when I say that I don’t find a lot of other people to have creditable intelligence but in the ENTJ I have…I despise indecision and lack of action. I fumble when it comes to a guy who is expressing a lot of feeling to me or feeling at all. Especially if they cannot communicate it well, or how they do is just too specific…Too much “work” in those relationships…

Anyways it has been frustrating to get the lead on message that there is interest, and then later it pans off without word and I am being shoved aside being ignored with impatience…By then I have eventually been told that I have been too clingy and my pride carries me away from the situation. I have “toned down” but now it is to the point that I am cutting out of my own happiness and I question the worth of a relationship. Perhaps this male ENTJ is not something for me to further pursue if what I have or what I think or how I contribute to any situation is not valued or seen ultimately as of value…I’m not saying by any means that this is how all ENTJ’s strictly are; I don’t really think they all would be but I feel that is the message I’ve been receiving in my two encounters.


#12

Would you go into more depth please? I know you had said something about preferring to be kept on your toes and being very well engaged but perhaps you haven’t met an INTJ that has impressed you greatly and continually?


#13

The INTJ’s I attempted to date, were not social at all. ENTJ’s are sort of life of the party people to a fault, and we love to go out and paint the town or event red. The problem I had with those two, was that they wanted to stay inside all day. That is why I say they were boring.


#14

You just summed up my experience entirely. ENTJ’s are already egotistical, we do not need someone to tell us that we are amazing, look nice or etc. We do that enough all day. I know as an ENTJ, I do not need a woman to stroke my ego, or be clingy, I just need her to be there in the room or in the situation, the fact that her presence is there is more than enough for me to be satisfied. Since we are a confident bunch, we do not need a woman to constantly remind of us why she is with us. We figure, that we are the best, and if you leave us, you settle for less.


#15

I think I would take some ego stroking from time to time to feel releived.


#16

Well besides the fact that I’m putting in a lot of time on this computer and into this forum, I do get out and I do a lot of things with other people. I’d say I’m almost equally introverted as I am extroverted.
I live alone in one room with a bathroom in a barracks on a huge, empty naval base and I can’t stand it. Usually I am always gone out somewhere by myself shopping (if you can’t come I won’t wait for you) or a group of friends, working with other people, or helping organize events for our coworkers…Skydiving is arranged to happen next week with a group of invited coworkers, I have camping gear in the back of my car that I plan on using within the next two weeks in some other city, I am hitching along on a ride to Long Beach, CA for some partying this weekend. (Happy New Years!!!) Ect, ect. I love to entertain esteemed guests and to have a good time…Being able to takes time and that is definitely an issue right now…
I hate living alone and I miss my family greatly. I’ve created my own. :stuck_out_tongue: I am not the center of a group but I sure do like moving in and out of that spotlight once in a while :slight_smile:
I do however get tired of this after a few weeks of fun/craziness/work and I DO like to take a few weeks off for that.

I understand that being with someone who isn’t very sociable at all is very irritating or difficult. My mother is a COMPLETE freaking hermit. And when I was younger I would question her and demand of her “why” frequently. I found her inflexibility on almost all counts to be painful…It hurt the marriage(s) and us kids greatly…It got in the way of her being my mother and taking us places and seeing our family…Always sitting at a computer and never greeting our presence when we walked through the door and such.
I am different. Very different. I told her I would never be that way and now I’m living it.
I’m one who is not anti-social by any means…It is one of my life practices to not be anti-social as that or any way remotely near that…

As for your second quote. If your ego is really that big and you are really that full of yourself, then-also speaking for other ENTJ’s I would have to say that you should just skip the woman entirely and keep loving your job. I don’t think you should begin entertaining a relationship in the first place…Even I would get tired of being full of myself and would be able to appreciate the attention and compliments from time to time as Wasabi’s stated too…
If you really think/practice the thinking that when a woman leaves you that she settles for less-than-the-best then I don’t think you should grant a relationship between you two in the first place, again…Reading that sentence alone makes me think a relationship with you would be a waste of time for me to engage. I wouldn’t date a pompous prick if I knew he was one to start. Too much. Not for me, personally.

If you truly believe that there is some woman out there (and there is) who can work with you as you said you would like, then good on you…Keep on keeping on…I’m sure you’ll find her out there somewhere along the movement through your life.


#17

We can agree to disagree.


#18

Meeting adjourned.


#19

I’ve dated 4 entj in my life they are all the same egoistical & so talkative to the point where he looks so trying hard and irrelevant. As an INTJ thats the trait that’s keeping me disappointed to entj’s. Like they feel like they’re dominant and intelligent but in our mind we’re just laugh out loud. Stupid people just talk and talk And trying hard to impress other. I’m so sorry that you two ended up like that. Your date might think you’re too common person and stupd without you knowing. :slight_smile: