Keep this in mind too-we’re extroverted thinkers (ET’s), ie. brain-dumbers, what we say is rarely our conclusive thought but rather our thought process. “Step back, hike up your breeches and let him spill” then ‘watch’ him sort, helping him with encouraging words-eventually you’ll get to what he really thinks, which you’ll notice continuously changes over time as he acquires new information and adds it to his ever developing constructs.
(there’s a YouTube video on this somewhere, can’t find it now.)
I’s are quite the opposite in this way, it took my very good INFJ/P friend a year to figure it out- something I hadn’t realized was a struggle until I was told 4 years later!
Also, If you feel like he’s attacking you, he’s no idea you’re feeling that way. If he’s actually attacking anything it’s the idea which you may or may not possess and which he doesn’t attach directly to you, even if you do. It’s this ET pragmatic attack of ideas that usually ‘scare’ people, hope it helps if you understand more of what’s going on; he’s actually opening the door right into his brain-so think of this: it’s his brain, not yours, there’s nothing personal to be afraid of.
–Of course the older we get the less freely we open up, we learn that people really aren’t interested, you might need time to convince him, don’t be afraid to just go there.