INTP woman interested in ENTJ man


Title says it all. I’m good friends with an ENTJ and would like some insight on a potential relationship.
So far the signs that he might be interested in me are …drums roll… non-existent.
Or, more specifically, if I think of anything one would do with someone they’re romantically interested in -e.g. texting a lot, physical contact, hanging out with the other person, inviting them at home - he already does that with every other friend. So far his behaviour with me isn’t any different than with anyone else. Or, he behaves with everyone as if they were his girlfriend/boyfriend, depending on your point of view.

However, it’s not unknown that NTs tend to have some problems with expressing emotions. Most noticeably, I’m not treating him any different than my other friends either. To be precise, I do treat him differently, as I am more attentive to his problems than the others’ - I fixed his computer twice without complaining about “you broke it again” :stuck_out_tongue: - but the difference is more in my attitude than in my outward behaviour, so I doubt anyone would notice.

So, I’m stuck in a situation where I’m clearly not giving any signs of interest - mainly because I wouldn’t know how to - and neither is he - either because he’s in a a similar situation as me or, much more likely, because he’s not interested.

I wouldn’t risk being so bold as to tell him outright because I don’t want to ruin a good friendship, and he’s previously expressed annoyance at people interested in him, though that might be because they were too pestering in their approach - in his own words they were “stalking” him - but I don’t want to give up either.

What do other ENTJs think of the situation?
P.S. bear in mind that I’m not in the US, so cultural differences ftw.
P.P.S. my English should be a bit rusty, sorry about it.


Have you tried cooking him something?


The important point is to have him pursue you. ENTJ’s need to be in control.
Does he know he is an ENTJ? If he does, does he know that an INTP woman is very beneficial to him? If he does not know he is an ENTJ, he needs to take the test and fully understand who he is and how hard it is to find a worthy female to the ENTJ.
If he knows he is an ENTJ, just stay close and be good to him. One day he will see you are there for him.


Hey there! I’m an INTP woman also. I have relationships with two ENTJ men in my life, & an INTJ(they basically pretend to be an ENTJ in the beginning, lol.) I wasn’t platonic friends with any of them, & they expressed their initial interest by asking me out for some type of one-on-one activity. Have you spent much time with him, just the two of you? I think that one-on-one is pretty crucial, as they will then be prompted to decide whether or not it’s worth their time(extremely valuable to them) to pursue something more. You could show off a bit, & put that idea in his head…express interest without having to get uncomfortably in his face about it, lol.


Whelp, I know bugger all about ENTJs, but at least I can offer some good old fashioned INTP commiseration! I get the feeling that, with some ENTJs, you need to use a brick. With other ENTJs, you need to use a REALLY BIG BRICK.

And thank you for subverting traditional gender roles! … but yeah, that actually might give you some traction. Of course, slipping him the food in an office setting without blowing your cover is a nontrivial problem.

And isn’t that just music for the INTP-in-love-oh-god-oh-god-i-need-as-much-info-about-him-as-i-can-get’s ears? Personally, I find tarot cards useful in these situations. Slightly more socially acceptable than dumpster-diving and just as informative and useful.

Huh. Flirting via personality tests. Not an approach I would like to take. But, yeah, just being there for him is probably your best bet.

Good luck!