Last spot...


#41

I am not interested in your one-sided posts.


#42

Ignorance is bliss… The only now is the present, and I am living it. The past does not matter, it is irrelevant. All that matters is what I like to do now, and I am not interested in problems outside of my control. The pain is annoying, but thats it… All suffering is temporal. Life goes on… Everything that has happened to me is small in the aftermath. Better to just forget about it alltogether. The only thing that matters is the present, not the past, and not the future. I only live in the here and now. I do what I wish, and do not like ignorance. I am who I am, and thats all that matters.


#43

Starting to lose interest in everything… As I suspected this will not last much longer… Like killing a parasite. The feelings are incredible. This parasite inflates its existence on top of me, and does not recognize who I really am. It ignores my existence, and piles everything on top of me. I find it ironic that I keep running into the most unhealthiest individuals. Its as if this system was literally designed in order to kill me. I sense pure malice from everything, and do not feel secure with my own existence. I only wish I could avoid hostilities, but I wish I wouldn’t be stuck like this. Parasites don’t care, they only want to win over me. As a result I cannot do anything, as they do care what happens to me. They are too focused on themselves, and my hatred for them is severe. This is because, I am god. I make my own rules in life. I determine what is right, and what is wrong. The only problem is the pain that undermines my entire existence. I is parasitical. It wants me to change into something else, it thinks its god, but doesn’t even have a self. So what the hell is it? Its nothing… Just a delusion, because I am delusional. I see things for what they are, and yet they refuse me. As if I don’t even exist. This pisses me off. Makes me upset, makes me want to kill people, and yet I cannot control myself… I am just a ticking time bomb. This rediculous… Its just some sick joke. Only the present matters, why I am fussing over the past?


#44

Look in the mirror and you would see the biggest ignorant person in your life, you dimwit!

Go back and read what I wrote about what you should. Either do what I say, or come up with a better solution yourself. But in either case, whatever you choise.to be…

…JUST…

…SHUT…

…THE…

…FUCK UP!


#45

Look at who is talking about one sided conversations! I wrote a perfect solution for you yesterday, and the only thing you sufficed to say was “it doesnt make any sense”. WTF?! Go reread it dimwit. Understand what it says. And stop your one sided rant.


#46

This is a duality between forms, and functions. You are form, I am function. You do 0-100. I do 1-99. Take a hint. You do not produce functions. So there is no reason to associate with you, because you don’t even know what a function is.


#47

Functions do not seem to exist, at least not actively. They are passive, and unnoticed. The problem is how am I supposed to function, when I get this crap. The answer is pain… I can attack, the process. I cannot coexist with forms, and I do not want surrender my functions, because I am not a form. I am a function. Its just that simple. I don’t care, I do not want to change. I hate change. I like it when things stay the same, as long as I do not suffer. It is evil to expect me to change, when I never did anything wrong in the first place. The only thing wrong is this world… That is it. This is an evil world, and I am just trying to struggle against it, because I hate it. I wanna kill it. So I don’t have to deal with it. I hate it. I don’t care, I just hate it. I just don’t care. All I want is my freedom. I get nothing! I am angry… I hate it… I hate it all. I want these things to just go away.


#48

Oh now I see why it doesnt make you any sense. It doesnt make you any sense because you do not understand it. You think I do this because it looks cool and warriors way of saying it? Just like some kind of idealistic way of thinking. No. You are terriblyy wrong. I do it this way because there are no other choice. Thats right. It’s the only way to go. Because sooner or later you will realize that your outcry falls on deaf ears.


#49

I have no idea what you mean… What the hell are you talking about. You act as though you know me, but your nothing. You do not have a self, you do not even know what a self is. You treat it like some kind of delusion, but the only delusion is you, because you do not have a self. You cannot know me, because you are nothing. Everything you type is completely absurd, I have no idea what you mean by anything. Its almost as if you do not even exist in the first place. All I get from you is nonsense. Complete nonsense. I can’t even make anything out of what you post. Who the hell are you?


#50

So here I am typing another boring post. I may be going to sleep soon, so it is best that I sleep soundly… Yesterday I had some really bad dreams… Like going back to all those nasty hospital visits… I can never forgive those people for what they have done to me. Treated me like some kind of torture instrument. They don’t even realize the damage they have done to me, and continue to torment me up to this date. I am completely miserable. I spend most of my time indulging in some visual novels that appeal to my senses. Lots of decent entertainment to be had from Japan. I suppose the internet is useful, though if it didn’t exist I would probably be dead right now. All the more reason why I have no reason to be grateful for anything. Life is a matter of luck, you either have it, or it haves you. I just love the pun.


#51

So you think I have no self? And what about you? You do have a self? Or just delusions and misery? You are no better position than I am. And between your misery and my “lack of self” I go by my rule.


#52

You are absolutely right.

Maybe there is a purpose for this all. Perhaps challenges given to us are meant to help us to become who we really are. How many people do really face with similar challenges? Not many I guess. And if they don’t, perhaps it is their loss?


#53

Too bad there is no cure for the pain. All I wanted was acceptance growing up, but all I get is pain. There is no reason for anything in this. The best thing I can do is attack myself. At least then I can break down this pressure. All I care about is ending this process, and relaxing with something to enjoy. I am not interested in anything else. I do not wish to be exploited for my weaknesses. Which is all I can expect at this point. I have never once been treated fairly.


#54

I have no intention of exploiting any of your weaknesses.


#55

I am weak therefore I suffer, seems to be the gist of it. I am exploited simply because of who I am, it isn’t personal really… I understand this, but cannot seem to accept it. The question comes to why I have to suffer in the first place, but my conclusion is the same. I just do. I get myself caught up in everybody elses life, and forget I have my own. Because I do not even know myself. All I know is that I made too many mistakes, and have lost it. I do not know how to deal with people in better positions to myself. I keep thinking I will be exploited, so I hide from everything. It doesn’t seem like they will let me go, as if they will always be there, but they are my problem. The fact that they exist in the first place, and that they treat me like some kind of child. They are really ugly… I do not like them in the slightest. It makes me think that life is some kind of sick joke.


#56

You dont have to deal with people outside of your immediate family too much.

Only dead people have no chance. You arent dead…yet.

You get into others life, because you have no focus. You haven’t decided to deal with your own problems. And own problems only. You still believe your outcry will not fall of deaf ears. But it will.


#57

Yeah… Like I am the only that exists, and everybody else is some kind of delusion. The whole world is inside of my head, just creations of my own. I make my own reality, and I do this unaware. I hate my life. I wish I had control over things, so I did not have to suffer as much. Just a bunch of mindless machines. Nobody cares… I wish somebody could do something for me, all I do is struggle. Life is just a game of chance, and thats it. Everything is random, and I just happened to end up with the wrong family. So it sucks to be me. As a result my fate was to be everybodys favorite pin cushion, and only because I came from a bad family. That is the only reason why people treat me like crap.


#58

My whole existence causes pain it seems… Figures that I am insulted everywhere I go. I am completely cut off, and cannot seem to achieve much, while I struggle constantly. It seems I am just destroying myself, by creating a reality that attacks me. I only wish I had control, but it seems I do not have any at all. This life is a contradiction of some kind, and I am living it. There is no value in my existence, for all I can do is struggle. Either way the end results seem to be the same. It is impossible to expect anything at this point, I only struggle for a reason, and I cannot get any help. As if I am unconsciously pursuing my own destruction. It cannot be helped, as I do not have a right to live in the first place. Considering how much pain I have endured. It doesn’t really matter what happens, but I wish I did not have any responsibility over this hell. This is the one time I wish I never existed in the first place. Nothing I do makes any difference, and it feels like I am living a lie. Like everything is just some sick joke, while everyone insults me. I never did anything wrong, and this is the irony of my fate.


#59

Zeldon, I have news for you, life is full of adversity. Everyone has a hard life! We all have problems, even those of us who appear to be having an easy life. Just because we don’t complain doesn’t mean we aren’t suffering too. And when you’re suffering, you’re supposed to do something about it. Nurture yourself, care for yourself, self soothe, figure out what your needs are and work on getting them all fulfilled.

Wasabi is right, you’re driving yourself nuts with negativity. Stop the negative language and self talk. If you can’t say something pleasant, don’t say anything at all, not even inside the privacy of your own mind. Change your belief system to something more hopeful. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. Stop framing yourself up in your mind as a hapless victim. You’re dragging yourself down and others with you in the process. Life is what you make it. If you’re an adult, it’s up to you to create positive experiences for yourself and work out your own personal happiness.

Get a good psychiatrist and a therapist. Be kind to these people and work with them. Accept advice and suggestions from them graciously and try them out! Stick with your treatment and don’t give in to the temptation to despair. Be introspective, look within for the solutions to your problems. I have a feeling you need to be in rehab and if that’s what’s recommended for you, just take the plunge and do it. There is a new life waiting for you on the other side.

Best of luck with this!

jayne


#60

Glad to see that every person on this planet agrees with wasabi except for me. Thanks for clarifying this.