INTJ here. I’ve had this ENTJ coworker for several years now. After we’d met we quickly started to hang out, ending up sharing almost everything (especially he did). Our conversations were very stimulating and fun, I felt a very deep connection and had grown very fond of him.
Our friendship went south after in a stressful time he suddenly started to express mistrust, and began to push my buttons which he had been investigating for quite some time. (One time, when he was drunk, he actually smirked about how nicely I was responding to his pushing.)
We were very close coworkers, in a somewhat uncoordinated team, both insecure of our positions. Off and on, he became more and more narcissistic and threatening towards me. I used all available means to try and defuse the situation, but none of the strategies got us back to where we started: a joyful friendship. Even though I still felt like he was my soulmate, and he actually attempted to include me more in his personal life. But meanwhile he kept pushing my buttons and one day, after tolerating a month of transgressions, I just had to tell him off.
To my disbelief he instantly cut me out of his life completely in a very hurtful and impersonal way, offering no closure whatsoever. We were still working on the same floor, so I would bump into him 5, 6x a day and he wouldn’t acknowledge my existence unless others were present. I tried not to impose our conflict on others, so this was mentally very exhausting. It felt as he needed to depersonalize and punish me. And while I kept trying to get us out of the swamp (through alternative communications), he basically put semtex on all my known buttons and blew it up.
I don’t care about many people, but once I do, I cannot shut this off easily. I found it to be impossible when you run into the person over and over again. I ended up badly obsessing over this, and am still recovering. I’m suspecting this was exactly per his plan, though I still find it hard to accept this. He has more or less explained himself, but never satisfactory and always in a condescending and obviously manipulating way.
Now I wonder: is this just an extreme example of “classic” INTJ-ENTJ failure (I’ve read some warnings recently), or would you deduce a genuine personality problem in the ENTJ? (and/or the INTJ, for that matter)
For his silent treatment he’s been giving me several reasons, but none really seems to hold.
What does silent treatment mean to you?
How would you look at this situation from an ENTJ point of view?
What would you have expected from the INTJ in this situation?
As they say, thanks for your support.