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#1

I cannot seem to find a reason to post on forums for the most of it all… I am unable to communicate very well, and I am in constant pain for the most part… It helps to have somebody to understand me better, but I fail to understand who that might be for the most part… I am constantly having problems communicating online, and the people are not very friendly… They are very mean for the most part, and fail to understand me greatly… They seem to have too many problems of their own, and fail to understand me properly… I wish this was not the case, but they continue to cause me problems daily… They do not understand that they are always hurting me constantly, and I cannot get any relief from them at all… It seems unlikely that anybody will ever assist… More that they would rather leave me rotting in a corner then provide me with any real help at all… They do not seem to understand that I need some serious help, and continue to badger me constantly with pain and endless agony… They think they can torture me in submission or something… They think they can constantly hurt me, and they are happy with the pain… They just want to torture me… That is all… They just want me to feel pain, and continue to hurt me for their own sake… They think they can just hurt me to death… Its so damn painful… I wish somebody would just care for a change instead of causing me so much grief all the time… They do not seem to understand my need for support, and continue to attack me constantly… I do not even see the point to any of this madness… I wish they would show some considerations of a change… But they will keep attacking me constantly, and refuse to let in… They only care about themselves, and do not care for me and my understandings… So they will continue to hurt me constantly, and will not care for me at all, and I wish they would just care for a change… Its so painful living like this, I wish somebody would care more for me, and not cause all this misery… They always cause me problems constantly, and refuse to assist me at all… I wish people would not do this to me like they cannot care at all…


#2

The understanding that you seek does not exist in this world. At least nobody has reached that. However, the solution comes from different direction. If you fail to understand the emotional reasons of why things happen the way they happen, then you should acknowledge that emotional understanding is not feasible. Not attainable. At least, not for today. Then you are left with second and only choice. Leave emotions aside and focus on the outcomes. Reasoning on superficial level that does not include emotions. Only then you will be able rise above misery. The misery that destroys you. Not others.


#3

I just want to eat a cheeseburger… Chili cheese steak with fries is delicious… I love hot food… I went to the movies with my dad… The casino is a fun place to gamble… Stuff like that for the most part… Pure nonsense… Hey wasabi the reason for god is nonsense… Everything just is a digit of some kind, and superficial reasons are nonsense… Hypothetically ending process with a sequence would have been thoughtful, but I cannot seem to understand it… When I communicate with people my main idea is why cannot I use a digit to digress… But I fail to expect it… I lean down when I communicate and yet the person is not their… Wasabi a quick solution is not evil… Its necessary, but for some reason prolonging a suicide is weird… No pain… Yet I endure endless suffering… Wasabi sequences are the main… Witness is prolonged… The main issue is… Suffering is not right… Suffering is not rare… To correct ourselves we need to prolong it… Yet it need not be prolonged… Because it hurts… Endearing selves… Honoring committed selves… Reasoning committed selves… It hurts a little bit… I cannot verify most of what I type, and I cannot reason most of what I am… It is very difficult to understand things… My main choice would have been to program a new sequence of some kind… It should have worked, but they will not obey me… Instead I took endless suffering for the resentful hatred I bear for people when I am suffering, they will not fix me… I do not care about reasonings, but they will not help is universal, and I am in a lot of pain, and they will not help me, so I become resentful over everything… It makes me bitter, and I seal up in isolated suffering out of resentfulness… I figure this is determined, and will occur randomly, but I do not like the idea that suffering is endless… This only means there is really no reason for anything as pain is the problem with me… This life of mine is endless, and I cannot seem to bear grips over it, and I understand that suffering can seem unlimited, but this is nonsense… Of course the meaning of pain is a understanding… How much do we suffer, and can it be controlled… The strangeness of it is that I cannot seem to count… Like I am going down in it… The only thing I realize is that it is nonsense… I mean I do not need any of this… It is nonsense to suffer for the sake of suffering, but I fail to reason anything else… I only monitor my conditions all the time… Figuring some kind of solutions… My understanding is that a quick kill is all that really concerns me for the good of it… I do not understand this of course, and figure a volunteer would be required for such expections… A volunteer that is willing to resolve issues… This makes sense… A volunteer willing to execute a problem with a system… Normally this would be correct… Killing a problem makes me understand… So I require assistance in elimations… Understanding and encouragement can help… The ability to reason is important… More useless chatter… Not enough stimulations… The pain is very unhealthy… Suffering is unneeded… Strength is required… It still hurts… I suppose I might just leave it for now… I keep getting my emotions caught up in reasons… Time for a break…


#4

Read about Ayn Rand and her objectivist movement. Especially what her objectivist philosophy is all about. Watch a movie called “Atlas Shrugged part 1”. The part 2 is out tomorrow. Watch it too.

The only reason why are you caught up in this mess is because emotions of yours overtake your reasoning. And it is very possible to get out from your situation with the tools you have and the level of your mind development that you currently have. Imagine this, everytime you dump a person for whatever emotional reasons you come up with, you seal your own end. Dealing with people is a difficult job. It requires sacrifices. Sometimes financial. But most of the time it is emotional. There is nothing you can do to change that. You have to accept it. Accept it not because it is what you should do by default. But because you have an objective in your mind and you do everything in your disposal to reach that objective. Including sacrificing your emotions as long as it helps you get to your objective. You dont do it because you owe something to people. But because you accept that emotional suffering is the part of the process while you try to reach your goals. And it is the only justification for all the suffering that you are ecperiencing. Because otherwise it would be just suffering without even any possibility of coming to a resolution of some king. Considering that such a resolution exists to begin with.

Its a choice. Its definitely a one. You either suffer purposefully for some objective while ignoring everything else. Or you suffer without a purpose to envelope it without any perceived end at the end…and suffering about everything.

Its your choice. Make one.


#5

I am mainly interested in updates over my conditions, but I might take your word for it… I am currently taking pills for my blood pressure…