Unintentionally Making Things Awkward/Worse


#1

Can anyone else relate to this? I never realize it at the time I’m doing it, but my ENFJ husband always brings it to my attention after the fact that I say the absolute wrong thing in sensitive situations.

A recent example: my friend was having a crisis with a relative’s unusual behavior and was concerned she may have had a stroke. My husband and her husband responded with, “No, there’s no way she had a stroke, don’t worry about that.” My response to them was, “Well she shouldn’t rule a stroke out. Those symptoms could apply to a stroke victim,” then proceeded to pull up effects of stroke on my phone to show her. My husband said he could tell it upset her more and that I should have just gone along with them, but I was baffled that they wouldn’t want to be straightforward with her, almost felt like that was more cruel.

Needless to say, I apparently stick my foot in my mouth a lot. It has come to my attention a lot more in the past five years spending my life alongside an F. Anyone else have a similar story?


#2

This happens all of the time! (i think) I’m told about it happening enough that I’m sure it happens a lot. We’re very honest people but I think we fail to grasp the emotional effect of words on others, especially feelers, simply because words carry different meanings to us than most and their emotional impact is not even on our personal radar. However, I totally agree with you, lying and saying something simply for the emotional effect (even if the effect is intended to be “good”) is not only cruel but I’d say it’s immoral. I think there can be a good compromise between stating truth-that which will help people through understanding and education, and selecting words to help others cope with that truth. I think this is the difference between ‘nice’ -shallow and false but good-feeling, and ‘kind’ -honest and graceful. ENTJ’s are not graceful. Your NF can help here if he doesn’t sacrifice the honest part :wink:


#3

I do it all the time. In your case, I think you were right to do what you did. When it comes to someone’s life/health, that’s very important.
I’m an INTJ…and really the only difference between us is the I/E.
Here’s a quote I stumbled upon the other day which helps understands these moments we get ourselves into:
"(INTJs) are straightforward and often don’t have much patience for observing the social graces. They tend to believe that a lot of wasted time and energy could be saved by just speaking the truth clearly. This sometimes means that they unintentionally insult or offend other people."